The "flower fairy" visited me yesterday. There were a bunch of annuals out on my zen garden with a note begging to be planted (the plants were talking, of course). They were beautiful and needed an area in the yard where I could see them every day and they could be the focal point. I certainly don't have the energy to dig through the roots that occupy the front yard so I decided I would fill one of the plantars from out back and move it out front and fill it with the beautiful flowers, which I did manage to accomplish today. Luckily for me I managed to find a spot in the compost pile that was soft enough to dig. I also had the happy surprise of finding a huge foxglove blooming in the compost pile. Beautiful surprises!!! Thank you to the flower fairy! :~)
So besides that what kind of day was this you wonder? Pretty good. Emily went to the beach with the boyfriend and his family. Lauren was home for most of the day but did have to leave for work around 3:00 so I have been on my own since then. Just me and the dog. I have wandered around the house, picked up the messes I have encountered, and worked on schoolwork. I have finished my reading and am now on the computer to do my discussion board work -- no really, I will get to it soon.
I am working on my third jug (32 ounces) of water for the day. Yesterday I could only get in two and I felt so dehydrated all night. I actually got up a couple of times during the night to get a glass of water, which I never do. I am supposed to drink at least three jugs every day to ensure that the chemo goes well. I am not sure that it really matters but why take the chance, right? I always try to get in a fourth the day before chemo to make sure I am hydrated enough for them to find a vein. We do have treatment this week so I am going to try to be very good. In the meantime, more schoolwork.
Keeping the faith! :~)
Kim
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Busy week, sorry no posts!
W-O-W. This has been an eye-opening week. The new regimen is tough. I am tired, nauseous, and cranky. I thought having two weeks between treatments would make it easier to deal with. NO WAY! Now I have a week of being tired without the benefit of a treatment. We were not quite sure what to do with ourselves either. We did end up staying in Burlington Wednesday night (we had already reserved a hotel room because of an early appointment) and pretty much we slept in, had a late breakfast, and came home. It was nice to get away with just the hubby! :)
Today is a good day. Besides the fact that it is my birthday (and what cancer patient is not grateful for one more of those) but I also felt pretty normal today. I had the energy to go out with friends and visit for a while. I helped hubby clean the cars and enjoyed dinner out with the girls. I even had a visit from my dad. Pretty good day all around.
This is treatment week. I am not wild about the red injections I now have to have during the infusion. I am not sure what those are all about but I will ask this week. I have to give myself an injection at home 24 hours after the infusion to help with my bone marrow suppression. That did not seem to be such a big issue. I know now why I have this extra belly fat from the chemo -- for the injections. My energy level drops significantly after infusion and injection but now that I understand how it is going to go I can plan better and do better. Eventually we will be done and life will begin the new normal. In the meantime, I will persevere.
Keeping the faith! :~)
Kim
Today is a good day. Besides the fact that it is my birthday (and what cancer patient is not grateful for one more of those) but I also felt pretty normal today. I had the energy to go out with friends and visit for a while. I helped hubby clean the cars and enjoyed dinner out with the girls. I even had a visit from my dad. Pretty good day all around.
This is treatment week. I am not wild about the red injections I now have to have during the infusion. I am not sure what those are all about but I will ask this week. I have to give myself an injection at home 24 hours after the infusion to help with my bone marrow suppression. That did not seem to be such a big issue. I know now why I have this extra belly fat from the chemo -- for the injections. My energy level drops significantly after infusion and injection but now that I understand how it is going to go I can plan better and do better. Eventually we will be done and life will begin the new normal. In the meantime, I will persevere.
Keeping the faith! :~)
Kim
Friday, June 17, 2011
The beginning of the end
I thought I wouldn't get here. I now have three chemo treatments left. I was really anxious about this new drug regimen but so far it has been only slightly more annoying. I had quite a bit of nausea yesterday after receiving the infusions but today has not been as bad. It has soured my appetite a bit but that is perfectly okay with me. I have gained 10 pounds since starting chemo and I would certainly like to take that off before I finish. I am grateful, in a sense, for the belly fat though since I now have to give myself injections after chemo to help my blood counts stay up. I was really worried about that when they told me I would have to do it but after training and injecting today it really was no problem.
I am looking forward to having a conversation that does not involve the word cancer. I would like to talk with my neighbors again about what is going on in the neighborhood or how the kids are doing, like we used to. I want to speak with family and not have them ask how I am feeling because of the cancer but because they want to know how I am doing. I want to discuss future happenings with my kids and not have to worry about how I am going to feel or what appointments I am going to have to reschedule in order to prepare for the happenings. Soon...
I am changing and so is my family. This challenge we have been presented with has certainly given us a new perspective on life and how we should be dealing with each other. Sometimes that is a really good thing but then other times I think it has made me a little jaded. I am certainly saddened by those in my family of origin who have never reached out to me. There are a couple I have never heard from whom I certainly should have. It makes me wonder if they really couldn't care less or whether they just don't have the capacity to cope with a situation that is not in their immediate realm of concerns. I guess I just want to be important to everyone who is important to me. That seems a little self-centered, I know but at a time like this one of my lessons learned is that I have the right to be.
Keeping the faith! :~)
Kim
I am looking forward to having a conversation that does not involve the word cancer. I would like to talk with my neighbors again about what is going on in the neighborhood or how the kids are doing, like we used to. I want to speak with family and not have them ask how I am feeling because of the cancer but because they want to know how I am doing. I want to discuss future happenings with my kids and not have to worry about how I am going to feel or what appointments I am going to have to reschedule in order to prepare for the happenings. Soon...
I am changing and so is my family. This challenge we have been presented with has certainly given us a new perspective on life and how we should be dealing with each other. Sometimes that is a really good thing but then other times I think it has made me a little jaded. I am certainly saddened by those in my family of origin who have never reached out to me. There are a couple I have never heard from whom I certainly should have. It makes me wonder if they really couldn't care less or whether they just don't have the capacity to cope with a situation that is not in their immediate realm of concerns. I guess I just want to be important to everyone who is important to me. That seems a little self-centered, I know but at a time like this one of my lessons learned is that I have the right to be.
Keeping the faith! :~)
Kim
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
I'm feeling anxious
I don't know why the change in regimen is making me feel so antsy. If it is tougher to deal with, I will still deal with it. I just don't know what to expect at the moment. I think I will be better tomorrow once the whole thing is behind me. I only have 4 total treatments on this part of the regimen and then I will be DONE. I can't imagine anything more exciting than having survived chemo, except maybe surviving cancer in general.
I had an incident today that might be adding to my anxiety. I have tried, very hard I might add, to make sure that I don't make anyone uncomfortable with my bald head. I know I am really self-conscious about this even though everyone who has encountered it has said I have a wonderful head for being bald. I even thanked my mom for giving me such a great head. That being said, however, I very rarely leave the house without my head covered. Today I went to go upstairs to grab a book and there were children walking up my walkway. I was uncovered. They knocked on my door and said to me "GO Bruins!" They were neighborhood children, none older than 5, so I stooped to talk to them and asked them about how much they love the Bruins. Things got very quiet very quickly once I went to the door and I was grateful for the moms coming. I wanted to apologize to them but didn't since I didn't want it to appear to be an issue. I certainly hope neither of them has to explain to their children tonight why Mrs. Shapiro doesn't have any hair. I know...it's my issue.
I must call my mother. I have not spoken to her for a couple of weeks and she had my sister text me to see if she could visit with us in mid-July. I really need to get back to her before I forget. Things don't stay in my head for very long now-a-days.
Keeping the faith! :~)
Kim
I had an incident today that might be adding to my anxiety. I have tried, very hard I might add, to make sure that I don't make anyone uncomfortable with my bald head. I know I am really self-conscious about this even though everyone who has encountered it has said I have a wonderful head for being bald. I even thanked my mom for giving me such a great head. That being said, however, I very rarely leave the house without my head covered. Today I went to go upstairs to grab a book and there were children walking up my walkway. I was uncovered. They knocked on my door and said to me "GO Bruins!" They were neighborhood children, none older than 5, so I stooped to talk to them and asked them about how much they love the Bruins. Things got very quiet very quickly once I went to the door and I was grateful for the moms coming. I wanted to apologize to them but didn't since I didn't want it to appear to be an issue. I certainly hope neither of them has to explain to their children tonight why Mrs. Shapiro doesn't have any hair. I know...it's my issue.
I must call my mother. I have not spoken to her for a couple of weeks and she had my sister text me to see if she could visit with us in mid-July. I really need to get back to her before I forget. Things don't stay in my head for very long now-a-days.
Keeping the faith! :~)
Kim
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Another gloomy day in NH
Can you believe it is June 14th? It feels like March out there. I am so tempted to turn the heat on and get warm but it's June 14th and that is out of the question.
I started my new classes yesterday. I have one online and one face to face. The face to face seems like it will be interesting and involved. I am not sure about the online one yet. I made my introductions, which is normal for the first contact online, and I have to answer a couple of questions after reading some materials. That is my plan for today -- to read and maybe answer the questions. If not, I will answer them tomorrow.
Nothing exciting happening as of late. The new chemo regimen starts Thursday. I am anxious about how I will react. Keeping my fingers crossed for continuation of my luck where symptoms are concerned. For the most part things have been tolerable. I would be so grateful if that continued. As I said, I am keeping the fingers crossed.
Keeping the faith! :~)
Kim
I started my new classes yesterday. I have one online and one face to face. The face to face seems like it will be interesting and involved. I am not sure about the online one yet. I made my introductions, which is normal for the first contact online, and I have to answer a couple of questions after reading some materials. That is my plan for today -- to read and maybe answer the questions. If not, I will answer them tomorrow.
Nothing exciting happening as of late. The new chemo regimen starts Thursday. I am anxious about how I will react. Keeping my fingers crossed for continuation of my luck where symptoms are concerned. For the most part things have been tolerable. I would be so grateful if that continued. As I said, I am keeping the fingers crossed.
Keeping the faith! :~)
Kim
Friday, June 10, 2011
Last weekly treatment all done!
YIPEEEEE!
Now -- there are four treatments left. These are supposed to be tougher than the ones I have finished. Again, I am adopting the wait and see attitude. I did pretty well with the first 12. I will pray for continued success with the next four and then, all done with chemo. My appointments are a little messed up though right now so I am not sure when I am supposed to be going in next. I am still waiting for a call from the nurse to help me get it all straightened out. DF has been great about making sure I know when and where so I don't expect anything will change at this point.
So what else is eventful? It is Friday and things are pretty quiet right now. Steve went off to work, as usual. He left his motorcycle behind my car though so I can't get out unless I want to drive the truck. Of course the truck windows are both broken (they won't open because the regulators failed) and there is no air conditioning. It is still a little muggy today, but not too hot, so I guess I will suck it up and do what I have to do. The dog prefers the car but is willing to accept the truck in a pinch -- as long as he gets his ride in.
I am looking forward to a quiet afternoon. Dad and Kathy will be down for lunch and the usual Friday visit. I have soooo much to do once they leave though. I guess the people who bought our pool are coming to get it tomorrow morning. I did get the plants moved but all the stone is still there. I really would prefer they not kick it out onto the lawn so I wanted to move it before they got here. We will see how that goes. I did not sleep much last night so my guess is that after the parents leave I will crash on the couch and sleep for an hour or so. Either way I will listen to my body and let it have what it wants. The rock can be moved later.
Off to run errands.
Keeping the faith! :~)
Kim
Now -- there are four treatments left. These are supposed to be tougher than the ones I have finished. Again, I am adopting the wait and see attitude. I did pretty well with the first 12. I will pray for continued success with the next four and then, all done with chemo. My appointments are a little messed up though right now so I am not sure when I am supposed to be going in next. I am still waiting for a call from the nurse to help me get it all straightened out. DF has been great about making sure I know when and where so I don't expect anything will change at this point.
So what else is eventful? It is Friday and things are pretty quiet right now. Steve went off to work, as usual. He left his motorcycle behind my car though so I can't get out unless I want to drive the truck. Of course the truck windows are both broken (they won't open because the regulators failed) and there is no air conditioning. It is still a little muggy today, but not too hot, so I guess I will suck it up and do what I have to do. The dog prefers the car but is willing to accept the truck in a pinch -- as long as he gets his ride in.
I am looking forward to a quiet afternoon. Dad and Kathy will be down for lunch and the usual Friday visit. I have soooo much to do once they leave though. I guess the people who bought our pool are coming to get it tomorrow morning. I did get the plants moved but all the stone is still there. I really would prefer they not kick it out onto the lawn so I wanted to move it before they got here. We will see how that goes. I did not sleep much last night so my guess is that after the parents leave I will crash on the couch and sleep for an hour or so. Either way I will listen to my body and let it have what it wants. The rock can be moved later.
Off to run errands.
Keeping the faith! :~)
Kim
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Nausea and vomiting
Nice way to get your attention. Nausea and vomiting are two things I have not had a lot of experience with during this battle. Yesterday I had both. The best part, though, is that once I finally vomited I felt great! That is so sick!!! Much better today too.
I have found today though that I am very thirsty. I am hoping that the chemo has not screwed up my blood sugars in addition to my blood pressure. I will find out Thursday when they do labs. Thursday is also my LAST weekly treatment. There is only one infusion and we have an early appointment so we should be in and out of Boston before noon. That is great news because it is supposed to be hotter than Hades tomorrow here in NH. Our first day that will be almost 100, second over 90. I am very much looking forward to getting home and being in the air conditioning. I might never leave.
Tonight is my last class for SpEd501. I am very glad to be finishing another class. My new ones (I am taking 2 next semester) begin Monday. With any luck things will go as well during those as it has gone during this one. There have not been too many symptoms and only occasional intense fatigue. I have managed to get to and from class (by the grace of God). Next semester I have one class in Manchester and the other is online. That should make things a little easier transportation wise. The online class, I am sure, is going to be VERY demanding. They usually are.
Going out now to enjoy the beautiful day!
Keeping the faith! :~)
Kim
I have found today though that I am very thirsty. I am hoping that the chemo has not screwed up my blood sugars in addition to my blood pressure. I will find out Thursday when they do labs. Thursday is also my LAST weekly treatment. There is only one infusion and we have an early appointment so we should be in and out of Boston before noon. That is great news because it is supposed to be hotter than Hades tomorrow here in NH. Our first day that will be almost 100, second over 90. I am very much looking forward to getting home and being in the air conditioning. I might never leave.
Tonight is my last class for SpEd501. I am very glad to be finishing another class. My new ones (I am taking 2 next semester) begin Monday. With any luck things will go as well during those as it has gone during this one. There have not been too many symptoms and only occasional intense fatigue. I have managed to get to and from class (by the grace of God). Next semester I have one class in Manchester and the other is online. That should make things a little easier transportation wise. The online class, I am sure, is going to be VERY demanding. They usually are.
Going out now to enjoy the beautiful day!
Keeping the faith! :~)
Kim
Saturday, June 4, 2011
One more week done!
Week 11 has been a tough one. I am tired most days and am dragging myself around from room to room trying to get something accomplished. I am extremely grateful that next week is the last week for this current treatment. Week 12 finishes the Taxol and other drugs. Week 13 begins the Avastin and carboplatinin, which I hear is a real bear! Luckily treatment will be every other week for four weeks only. I AM ALMOST DONE WITH CHEMO! I have never been so happy to type a statement in my life. I dreamed of being at my last chemo treatment so many weeks ago when I met in the lab with a woman who was at her last chemo treatment. I am now so close I can almost see the light.
Developments and changes happen. My original surgeon is going to be out on maternity leave so I must now meet with a new surgeon and hope that things click since I will not have as much time to reconsider options. It looks like surgery could potentially be minimal and that is wonderful news to me. I am truly afraid of being away from home to have the surgery and I am hoping that it will only be a day or two. I am certainly not looking forward to the pain!
Radition is still a distant concern. I am really taking life one day, and sometimes one minute, at a time. It is almost over and then I can begin looking forward to the day where cancer no longer is in my daily vocabulary and discussions. I want very much to think about teaching techniques and student successes. I want to focus on becoming a special education teacher who will guide students to wonderful futures. Perhaps I might even share some time with the future doctor who cures this cancer and many others. Ahhhhh..... Much nicer thoughts.
Keeping the faith! :~)
Kim
Developments and changes happen. My original surgeon is going to be out on maternity leave so I must now meet with a new surgeon and hope that things click since I will not have as much time to reconsider options. It looks like surgery could potentially be minimal and that is wonderful news to me. I am truly afraid of being away from home to have the surgery and I am hoping that it will only be a day or two. I am certainly not looking forward to the pain!
Radition is still a distant concern. I am really taking life one day, and sometimes one minute, at a time. It is almost over and then I can begin looking forward to the day where cancer no longer is in my daily vocabulary and discussions. I want very much to think about teaching techniques and student successes. I want to focus on becoming a special education teacher who will guide students to wonderful futures. Perhaps I might even share some time with the future doctor who cures this cancer and many others. Ahhhhh..... Much nicer thoughts.
Keeping the faith! :~)
Kim
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Having problems with blogspot
Hey folks,
Not much going on but I have not been able to get into Blogspot to blog in the past week or so. Got lucky today I guess. I have changed my settings so hopefully I will not have any further problems.
Anyway, as I said, not much is going on. I just completed my 11th chemo infusion and have one left of the weekly infusions. This week has been a little tough. The fatigue has definitely set in and I now have an annoying cough from the blood pressure medication. I could ask to have it changed but I am hoping I will only need it until chemo is finished, which is only a few more weeks. I can muddle through I hope. One more weekly infusion. That sounds so amazing since it seems like we just started treatment, although it also seems like I have been doing this FOREVER! I have grown a little weary of the trip to Boston every week, although I love seeing the nurses and other patients who are there with me every week.
School is almost over too. I have one class left and so far I have a 96.71. My 4.0 might not hold up if I don't do well on the clinical task and technology paper. I think my ego will survive the hit though. After all, I have told Lauren that all you need to do is get a C and they give you your degree. It's better on the resume if you have a higher GPA but they will still call me a MEd SpEd.
I was not really expecting to be able to get on to blog so I have not organized my thoughts. Thanks for listening to the rambling though. Keep me in the prayers. It seems to be working!
Keeping the faith! :~)
Kim
Not much going on but I have not been able to get into Blogspot to blog in the past week or so. Got lucky today I guess. I have changed my settings so hopefully I will not have any further problems.
Anyway, as I said, not much is going on. I just completed my 11th chemo infusion and have one left of the weekly infusions. This week has been a little tough. The fatigue has definitely set in and I now have an annoying cough from the blood pressure medication. I could ask to have it changed but I am hoping I will only need it until chemo is finished, which is only a few more weeks. I can muddle through I hope. One more weekly infusion. That sounds so amazing since it seems like we just started treatment, although it also seems like I have been doing this FOREVER! I have grown a little weary of the trip to Boston every week, although I love seeing the nurses and other patients who are there with me every week.
School is almost over too. I have one class left and so far I have a 96.71. My 4.0 might not hold up if I don't do well on the clinical task and technology paper. I think my ego will survive the hit though. After all, I have told Lauren that all you need to do is get a C and they give you your degree. It's better on the resume if you have a higher GPA but they will still call me a MEd SpEd.
I was not really expecting to be able to get on to blog so I have not organized my thoughts. Thanks for listening to the rambling though. Keep me in the prayers. It seems to be working!
Keeping the faith! :~)
Kim
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