Today was a busy day! I had my usual appointment at radiation but the doctor was there and wanted to see me too, so I stayed and saw the doctor. She is very happy with the progress and with the way my skin looks so far. She did warn me though that next week I could be a bit more red and have a rash-like appearance, for which they will give me a cream. Can't wait!
After I left there, it was off to Boston to see the surgeon. She too is very happy with the progress. She is relieved that the wound has begun to heal and that radiation has started and is going well. Me too.
After that it was home (meaning the local area) to do errands before getting home. I feel like I spent the day in my car, which I did. This afternoon I have worked on my homework and then just now decided to take a break and play Words with Friends, which is something new for me. I NEVER play games on Facebook but the rest of the family is playing so I wanted to play too. Funny thing though, no one ever wants to play Scrabble with me here at home. My board spins, it doesn't glow. So, there was a little Words with Friends and now blogging. I will have to go back to my homework this evening but I need a break. Very intense and involved assignment. I have worked on it now for about eight hours and am not anywhere near done. It's due Thursday. The sad part is that this is only the first part of the assignment. There are two other parts. Hopefully they won't be as involved.
Tomorrow is another day.
Keeping the faith! :~)
Kim
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Is this real?
I had a moment tonight when I thought back over the last year. Has this really happened to me? It seems so surreal that I, at age 44, have spent the last year battling cancer. Cancer! Really? Did I really sit in my doctor's office and tell my husband "It's going to be fine!"? Did I really spend my summer pumping poisons into my body to kill what had become part of me? Did I really have surgery twice? Have I been fighting my body to heal a wound that started out at as a huge abcess and turned into a gaping 8 cm wound? Am I really packing this wound every day in the hopes that it will heal before I get too much farther into radiation. AM I REALLY GETTING RADIATION? I feel like if I just pinch myself I will wake up and this whole thing will just be a horrible dream and that my life is on the track I want it to be on. Reality... Yes all of the above did and is happening. I am surviving what has been the biggest challenge of my life.
How though? How did I survive hearing such a horrible diagnosis? How did I survive 20 weeks of extremely aggressive chemotherapy? Surgery was not much of a challenge -- in and out in one day at least the first time. But then...the abscess and infection. I was so convinced I had my life back I almost gave it away. Luckily I had some fantastic medical providers who were not going to let me get in my own way. That's over, but now the wound. I have spent 4 months trying to get the wounds to heal. I am having radiation only because I pushed and begged and pleaded to have it done before it was too late. My doctor is watching me like a hawk to make sure no infection forms. OH my head!
It takes only a look in the mirror to know that this has been my last year. But then again, I have also spent the last year in grad school and will graduate in January. I will have my masters in special education and will spend the rest of my working years helping students to get the best education possible. Would I have been able to do that if I was working full time or would I have wrapped myself up in my work and not pushed to get beyond? I'm not sure which way that would have gone. I would like to think that pushing myself beyond is what has gotten me through the last year. I would like to know where this strength comes from and why I cannot apply to the other things in my life I would like to accomplish, like losing all this weight and building a healthy lifestyle. Maybe this year...
Keeping the faith! :~)
Kim
How though? How did I survive hearing such a horrible diagnosis? How did I survive 20 weeks of extremely aggressive chemotherapy? Surgery was not much of a challenge -- in and out in one day at least the first time. But then...the abscess and infection. I was so convinced I had my life back I almost gave it away. Luckily I had some fantastic medical providers who were not going to let me get in my own way. That's over, but now the wound. I have spent 4 months trying to get the wounds to heal. I am having radiation only because I pushed and begged and pleaded to have it done before it was too late. My doctor is watching me like a hawk to make sure no infection forms. OH my head!
It takes only a look in the mirror to know that this has been my last year. But then again, I have also spent the last year in grad school and will graduate in January. I will have my masters in special education and will spend the rest of my working years helping students to get the best education possible. Would I have been able to do that if I was working full time or would I have wrapped myself up in my work and not pushed to get beyond? I'm not sure which way that would have gone. I would like to think that pushing myself beyond is what has gotten me through the last year. I would like to know where this strength comes from and why I cannot apply to the other things in my life I would like to accomplish, like losing all this weight and building a healthy lifestyle. Maybe this year...
Keeping the faith! :~)
Kim
Monday, January 23, 2012
Getting back to normal
Three down, 30 to go. It's (radiation) just another part of my day. Today I went to the eye doctors. I ordered new contacts (YEAH) and will be on the lookout for new glasses in the near future. It is almost like getting a fresh start. Luckily not much changes in my vision, even after all the stuff this past year. That is always good to hear. My eyes have not reached old age yet.
School is going to be stressful this semester. I can tell already. There is a lot to do for both classes and after having the long break for the holidays it has been hard to get back into the swing of things. It is even tougher because I only have to go to Manchester once a week, which makes it seem like I should only have one class. I have two. I find myself blowing off work from either one or the other during the week and then panicking at the last minute trying to get everything done. It is only the third week. I am sure things will smooth out by next week.
No work lately. I am not getting the feeling that I will be working much during radiation. I think I will take this opportunity to do observations and field work that I would not be doing otherwise. Should be fun.
Keeping the faith! :~)
Kim
School is going to be stressful this semester. I can tell already. There is a lot to do for both classes and after having the long break for the holidays it has been hard to get back into the swing of things. It is even tougher because I only have to go to Manchester once a week, which makes it seem like I should only have one class. I have two. I find myself blowing off work from either one or the other during the week and then panicking at the last minute trying to get everything done. It is only the third week. I am sure things will smooth out by next week.
No work lately. I am not getting the feeling that I will be working much during radiation. I think I will take this opportunity to do observations and field work that I would not be doing otherwise. Should be fun.
Keeping the faith! :~)
Kim
Thursday, January 19, 2012
More radiation
Session #2 included xrays and radiation. I have FINALLY begun treatments. They were painless and quick, which is always good. I am so grateful to have them underway and so hopeful that vigilance will prevent further issues with the wound, which is still open and draining.
I am also grateful that there was no work today. I have so much homework to do for both classes and it seems like I am making little progress. Distractions are running rampant. Luckily I got right to work when I got home from treatment and have completed my assignments for tonight. I am not so sure the online class will be as lucky. I have done much of the work but I am not sure I will have everything completed by Saturday. Will have to wait and see.
More snow today too. It is actually snowing right now -- a light fluffy snow. Of course it is snowing today -- It's Thursday and I have to go to Manchester tonight for school. Gotta love winter. Snow storms always seem to come on the day that I have to go to school. I know, suck it up! I'm almost done.
Keeping the faith! :~)
Kim
I am also grateful that there was no work today. I have so much homework to do for both classes and it seems like I am making little progress. Distractions are running rampant. Luckily I got right to work when I got home from treatment and have completed my assignments for tonight. I am not so sure the online class will be as lucky. I have done much of the work but I am not sure I will have everything completed by Saturday. Will have to wait and see.
More snow today too. It is actually snowing right now -- a light fluffy snow. Of course it is snowing today -- It's Thursday and I have to go to Manchester tonight for school. Gotta love winter. Snow storms always seem to come on the day that I have to go to school. I know, suck it up! I'm almost done.
Keeping the faith! :~)
Kim
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Radiation
This has been such a frustrating word to me. It means the end of my cancer treatment but it has been so long in coming and there has been so much drama and energy wasted. Today I had my first of 33 sessions. Of course they don't tell you in advance that the first session is spent doing xrays and making sure everything is lined up. An hour later I was finally out of there. I was asked, however, to make sure I was there a little early in the morning so they could get me right in. My appointment today was at 8:00 and I was there at 7:49. I asked how much earlier they wanted me to be there and they said, "Oh by 7:45 would be good." OKAY!!! I don't see what difference 4 minutes is going to make but in the morning I will be there by 7:35. I tend to arrive 10 minutes early for appointments like this (at least).
Otherwise, what can I say about radiation. There is a lot of pushing and pulling and positioning. There is rolling and poking and adjusting. This is the one time I was told to put the johnny on the right way (with the opening in the back). I, of course, have been instructed for the past year to leave it open in the front so that is what I did, only to be told that the opening can be in the back for radiation so I "will be more comfortable." These are the little annoyances that make me flustered.
To top it off, there is concern about swelling in my breast. They had to do xrays twice because "the inferior portion keeps moving". I guess my breasts are breathing now. Whatever. I will not be a happy camper if they tell me that I have to wait until the swelling goes down in order to receive the radiation. Just get it done already! For today, 1 down, 32 to go. More to follow.
Keeping the faith! :~)
Kim
Otherwise, what can I say about radiation. There is a lot of pushing and pulling and positioning. There is rolling and poking and adjusting. This is the one time I was told to put the johnny on the right way (with the opening in the back). I, of course, have been instructed for the past year to leave it open in the front so that is what I did, only to be told that the opening can be in the back for radiation so I "will be more comfortable." These are the little annoyances that make me flustered.
To top it off, there is concern about swelling in my breast. They had to do xrays twice because "the inferior portion keeps moving". I guess my breasts are breathing now. Whatever. I will not be a happy camper if they tell me that I have to wait until the swelling goes down in order to receive the radiation. Just get it done already! For today, 1 down, 32 to go. More to follow.
Keeping the faith! :~)
Kim
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
The end begins
Wow, that sounds so apocolyptic! Actually it's a good thing. My radiation appointments have been scheduled, mapping is done, and I am all set to begin the last step on this journey (I am not including continued wound healing in this.) Appointments start Wednesday and end on March 5th. It will be almost exactly a year since I had been diagnosed. I cannot think of a better way to end a journey than by making a complete circle back to good health!
School has started once again. The online course, so far, has been okay. Everyone seems so young in the class though so I am feeling a bit like the old timer. I am not jumping to judgment yet though. I will give it another week or so before I drag out the walker. My second course starts tomorrow. I am anxious about how I will handle both courses, working part time, and getting radiation. The first thing to go, of course, will be work. I need to invest my effort in getting well first and completing my degree second. Both are SO CLOSE.
The family is well. Auntie is back at home and so far today everything has been quiet. I have not heard from anyone else so I am going to assume that all is well with them also. Emily did come home sick today and I had to "force" chicken soup on her. I use the word force because that is the one thing that she has never given me trouble about eating. She actually asked me to make it for her so of course I did. The funny thing is that she has a tummyache so I am not quite sure what the chicken soup is going to do. Usually that is for colds or the flu but I am told it cures everything so will just have to wait and see.
Keeping the faith! :~)
Kim
School has started once again. The online course, so far, has been okay. Everyone seems so young in the class though so I am feeling a bit like the old timer. I am not jumping to judgment yet though. I will give it another week or so before I drag out the walker. My second course starts tomorrow. I am anxious about how I will handle both courses, working part time, and getting radiation. The first thing to go, of course, will be work. I need to invest my effort in getting well first and completing my degree second. Both are SO CLOSE.
The family is well. Auntie is back at home and so far today everything has been quiet. I have not heard from anyone else so I am going to assume that all is well with them also. Emily did come home sick today and I had to "force" chicken soup on her. I use the word force because that is the one thing that she has never given me trouble about eating. She actually asked me to make it for her so of course I did. The funny thing is that she has a tummyache so I am not quite sure what the chicken soup is going to do. Usually that is for colds or the flu but I am told it cures everything so will just have to wait and see.
Keeping the faith! :~)
Kim
Monday, January 9, 2012
Finally...
I can FINALLY start radiation next week. I met with my new physician this morning and she tells me that I am healthy, young, and my tissue looks good. There are risks, of course, but I can finally start the final stage of this journey. I have not been so happy to have news in such a very long time. Six weeks will fly by I am sure.
I noticed the other day the robins are back already. I thought they might be just a few lost birds but I saw more today. The squirrels are out and playing too. Is it possible that spring might just come early this year?!
School starts today too. I am doing an online course and am taking one in Manchester. That starts tomorrow. Break time is over and it is time to get organized and focused. I am looking forward to this journey being over too. After these two classes I only have three left and then my internship. I will graduate in January with my masters and will probably never have another day off again.
Life is good.
Keeping the faith! :~)
Kim
I noticed the other day the robins are back already. I thought they might be just a few lost birds but I saw more today. The squirrels are out and playing too. Is it possible that spring might just come early this year?!
School starts today too. I am doing an online course and am taking one in Manchester. That starts tomorrow. Break time is over and it is time to get organized and focused. I am looking forward to this journey being over too. After these two classes I only have three left and then my internship. I will graduate in January with my masters and will probably never have another day off again.
Life is good.
Keeping the faith! :~)
Kim
Saturday, January 7, 2012
One week down
It is amazing to think that one week of this year is gone already. I did not end up working at any school this week but was kept busy by my aunt who is going crazy in rehab. She is so ready to go home and luckily will be next week. All I have to do is make it through Tuesday and all should return to seminormal in that realm of my life.
I had a great visit to the wound clinic this week. My wound has decreased from 8 cm to 6 cm and the width is much narrower. It appears the new dressing is working well. I am adding to that the fact that I have added massage techniques and meditation in an effort to bring the best results. I meet with my new radiation oncologist on Monday and hopefully she will tell me that we can go forward with radiation. That will be the best possible outcome in my mind since that is the last portion of the cancer treatment. Although the wound will not heal during radiation I can certainly focus on maintaining gains and preventing infection while radiation progresses. I think it is possible that some additional healing could occur in the initial portion of radiation and that will be the focus of my meditations.
This week promises to be very busy. I have the doctor appointment on Monday in addition to my transcription work. Monday night is going to be my "night off," although I do start an online course that night. Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday I am hoping to be working in one school or another. Tuesday night my classes start again in Manchester. That also happens to be the day my aunt is being discharged. I will have to stay super organized in order to make time my friend that day. I will just put my mind in the right place and believe that all will work out the way it is supposed to.
Keeping the faith! :~)
Kim
I had a great visit to the wound clinic this week. My wound has decreased from 8 cm to 6 cm and the width is much narrower. It appears the new dressing is working well. I am adding to that the fact that I have added massage techniques and meditation in an effort to bring the best results. I meet with my new radiation oncologist on Monday and hopefully she will tell me that we can go forward with radiation. That will be the best possible outcome in my mind since that is the last portion of the cancer treatment. Although the wound will not heal during radiation I can certainly focus on maintaining gains and preventing infection while radiation progresses. I think it is possible that some additional healing could occur in the initial portion of radiation and that will be the focus of my meditations.
This week promises to be very busy. I have the doctor appointment on Monday in addition to my transcription work. Monday night is going to be my "night off," although I do start an online course that night. Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday I am hoping to be working in one school or another. Tuesday night my classes start again in Manchester. That also happens to be the day my aunt is being discharged. I will have to stay super organized in order to make time my friend that day. I will just put my mind in the right place and believe that all will work out the way it is supposed to.
Keeping the faith! :~)
Kim
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