Final post of the year

I have not truly been remiss in posting lately.  We have Xfinity for internet service and, not uncommonly, our service has been down.  I am so happy Steve has finally agreed to return to DirectTV and Fairpoint for internet.  Never, EVER had a problem with them, except the cost.  2012 is going to be a better year for us so I think starting with improved service would be a great idea. 

Anyway, the holidays are over.  YEAH!  Things got really crazy for a while there.  The families cannot seem to be in the same place at the same time so things had to be done in bits and pieces.  Aunt Sugie decided Christmas would be a great time to have her knee replacement revised so I have been running back and forth from the hospital and rehab trying to keep her on an even keel.  As a matter of fact, she called me during a family dinner last night to let me know she had to see the orthopedist this afternoon and thought it might be helpful to have me there.  Swell!  I have also been doing her laundry, which my sister took care of last time but for some reason is just not able to handle now, so I have been running that back and forth too.  I'm tired and feel totally unrested.  School starts (for work) on Tuesday, although Emily tells me she starts Monday.  My own classes start the following week and I still have not accomplished any of the things I was supposed to do during break.  Today is going to be a very busy day for me on the computer.

I have put off my work too.  The doctor is on vacation and I have, very much unlike me, put it off until now.  I knew I could not send it because there was no internet connection so I figured, why bother rushing to do it.  Now the internet is back and I plan to get all my computer work done today, before running off to the doctor with my aunt, but we will see how that goes.   I know more work is coming today and I hate to piggy-back it. 

As for my health, this has been a hard week.  One of my wounds has completely healed, as I believe I had mentioned earlier, but the other has not changed in four weeks.  I saw my surgeon on Tuesday and she was not at all happy with the discharge she was seeing or the fact that there appeared to be no healing.  She sent me to a plastic surgeon at Brigham & Women's Hospital, which is just across the bridge from DFCI.  Granted this surgeon squeezed me into his schedule but I felt like I had been steamrolled when he left the room.  He breezed in, pretty much on time so I will give him credit for that, shook my hand, said hello to my daughters, removed my packing and proceeded to tell me that I had four options -- 1.  I could continue with the packing and wait and see how long it would take for the wound to heal, pointing out that it could be months or even years for it to completely heal, and indicated that this would probably make radiation impossible.  2.  I could speak with my radiation oncologist and hope that they would consider doing radiation with the wound as it is, with the understanding, of course, that the wound would not heal during radiation and could likely get worse.  3.  I could have what they call a VAC procedure in which the wound is opened surgically, cleaned out, and reapproximated hoping for closure.  This procedure he pointed out was unlikely to be successful since breast tissue is made of mostly fat and fat is not easily reapproximated.  Best case scenario is that I would heal in 12 or so weeks, also making radiation unlikely to be possible.  Finally, 4.  I could undergo mastectomy.  Upon outlining my opyions he shook our hands and left the room.  GREAT BEDSIDE MANNER.  Luckily, as I was sitting in shock looking at my daughters and feeling helpless, his PA and MA came in to repack my wound.  The PA asked if I had any questions and I frankly told her that I felt more uncomfortable now that I had seen the doctor than I had when I came in.  She then apologized stating that usually they come in first and talk with the patient and then the doctor comes in afterwards.  She and I discussed the options again so I better understood what I was looking at.  They changed the way I would do the dressing changes and suggested I give the new dressings a couple of weeks to work and in the meantime contact my radiation oncologist to see if he would consider doing radiation.  That is a whole other story.  In the office that day, unfortunately it came down to the same thing...the first three options were not likely to be successful and I should probably ready myself for the inevitable, a mastectomy and breast reconstruction.  This certainly made for a tough night -- telling my husband we had just gone through an entire year of treatment only to end up where we had started, only cancer free this time.

As for the radiation oncologist, only a week or so ago I had received a letter from Dr. Jones letting me know that he was moving his practice to Augusta, Maine.  I would need to find a new doctor to treat me.  Knowing this I called his office and spoke to his nurse.  I explained to her what had been explained to me and she said she would speak with Dr. Jones and get back to me.  Later that afternoon she did just that and said Dr. Jones was not comfortable making such a decision knowing he would be leaving and he suggested that I make an appointment with the doctor who would be replacing him and see how she felt about the situation.  I did indeed make that appointment but will need to wait until January 9th for any answers in that realm.  In the meantime, I continue the new method for dressing changes and pray for the best. 

What I would really like for 2012 is for this to be over.  I would like to be healed.  I would like to be working more often.  I would like to finish my classes and get ready for my internship.  I would like to focus on being healthy overall.  I want to join a gym but know that there is simply not going to be enough money for that to happen.  I will have to be super-focused on achieving what I can with the equipment and videos that I have here at home.  I have to make me a priority and the rest will follow.  2012 is going to be a pivotal year in my life.  I will achieve my first year of being cancer free.  I will resolve this wound issue and I will get my health pointed in the right direction, taking care of me first.  This is my prayer and my goal.

Keeping the faith!  :~)
Kim

PS -- Wishing the best for all who have touched my life. 

Happy Holidays everyone!

This is it...the final week before HanuChristmas.  I dragged up the menorrahs this morning and have the candles ready to go.  I have printed instructions on loading and lighting for Lauren (which she then left on the ottoman and forgot to grab her candles).   Latkes have been made and eaten even though Hanakahh has not started yet.  Hanukkah presents have been bought and wrapped and we are ready to get started.  So to my Jewish family and friends...Happy Chanukah! 

As for Christmas, the ham has been purchased and we will be setting up for a small family brunch on Christmas Day.  Christmas Eve will involve sending daughter #2 off to visit with the new boyfriend's family and daughter #1 is doing something with the boyfriends family or friends (I stopped listening for the details).  Steve and I are going to visit with his brother for a little while and I am hoping to maybe go out for a nice dinner or something as a couple before all the craziness starts. 

My mother called to let me know my baby brother is in the hospital with double pneumonia and the flu.  What a way to spend the holidays.  Luckily he seems to be making good progress and I will certainly keep him in my thoughts.  Hopefully he will be home for Christmas. 

Keeping the faith!  :~)
Kim

I GIVE UP!!!

I have very little patience left given the holiday seasons and my daughter is treading on my last nerve!  It is unbelievable to me that someone can be so smart and yet so clueless.  Where did she learn to be so entitled.  It is not like we have given her everything she wants and it's not like she gets to make the decisions in this life.  How can she have four accidents in four months and still claim "It's your fault for making me drive the truck"?  Where the hell did we go wrong with this one?!  I see glimpses of goodness from time to time and I think -- Yes she is going to be okay.  Then she has an incident that is COMPLETELY her fault and she cannot accept the responsibility for it!  Tell me again why I became a parent.  429 days until she turns 18.

The holidays are marching along and I feel completely wiped out and overwhelmed.  I have only been working one day a week so it's not like that is the issue.  I just feel completely drained.  I am so tired of EVERYTHING.  I have no energy left for getting through the day.  I could use a week away at a spa. 

On the health front, one of my wounds has healed.  The other is making progress.  However, progress is slow.  I have to devote one day a week to the wound clinic and, until this week, one day a week to going into Boston to visit with them.  I then spend the other days trying to manage work, home, and a daughter who has no sense of responsibility -- sorry I am getting off track again.  Anyway, at least school is over for now and I can get to bed at a reasonable hour, which this week has been 8:00.  Up at 5:00, down at 8:00 -- what a life.

Keeping the faith!  :~)
Kim

Quick blog

I have been on my computer ALL DAY so I am tired and want to get a cup of tea.  I wanted to keep everyone informed though on the progress this week.  It has certainly been a long week, or at least it seems long to me.  Boston went well.  They were not concerned at all about the wound since everything looked like it was healing well.  It might just have been a ridge of healing tissue that sealed the tunnel.  When it was checked at the wound clinic they simply poked through and realized it was deeper than they thought -- but healing well.  The only thing I want to hear is that it is healing well.  The second wound in the axilla is healed.  It looks like I have a belly-button underneath my arm but I really don't care as long as it is healed.  I will continue to work on getting the other healed ASAP.

Classes are over for the semester and I am still sporting a 4.0.  I really love face-to-face classes rather than online.  It is just a better fit for my learning style.  Now I am off until mid-January.  PHEW.  I am going to relax a bit. 

The holidays are approaching fast.  I have tried shopping but I just can't seem to get excited about spending money that it takes me so long to earn.  I have had to spend a lot of time in kindergarten lately and I will tell you 3 hours with these guys is like an entire day with middle schoolers.  Unfortunately this week I have not been able to come home and take a nap.  It was a busy week and I am glad it is behind me!  I will try to enjoy today and the rest of the holiday season.  You too!

Keeping the faith!  :~)
Kim

It's getting old!

This whole deal of taking care of my wound and going to the doctors is getting really old really fast!  I just want to get back to my life.  When I visited the wound clinic on Friday they told me the wound in my underarm was healing fantastically.  However, the wound on my breast had doubled in depth.  I am so frustrated!!  Here I am thinking everything is going really well and now I find out we are twice as far away from being healed than we were a week ago.  Now I get a call from the surgeon and they want to see me ASAP, just to take a look at things.  I almost wish I could cut the damned thing off and leave it with them so they could look at it all they want and I could get on with my life.  I had to take yet another day off to accommodate their curiosity.  I have changed techniques for taking care of this wound more times than I would care to say.  I wish we could just leave it alone and let it heal.  I am never going to get to radiation at this point. 

Beyond that today was a pretty productive day.  The grocery shopping got done.  I submitted my final exam for my math class.  I chose my book for discussion during class for reading and my critical task for that class was submitted over the weekend.  Now all I have to do is show up tomorrow and Thursday and I will get a few weeks off.

Thursday is going to be another busy day too.  I have to go to the wound clinic first thing in the morning.  For lunch I am going out with a friend, my father, stepmother, and hopefully my husband at Julia's, which is the restaurant at the school that Emily goes to.  I am very excited about this.  After that I will come home once again and wait around for a bit before I have to head off to school.  Friday, hopefully, I will be able to work and I will have a much calmer day.

Keeping the faith!  :~)
Kim