I have always been told to be careful about what I wish for because you might just get it. I wished for some peace and quiet and some time to hang around my house and do what I wanted to do. This is vacation week so there is no work. Emily has gone to New York on a school trip and Steve is working. I have the house to myself. It is quiet. My house is clean. My projects that I had planned to accomplish this week are done (and it's only Wednesday) so I find myself wandering from room to room wondering what to do next. I am bored.
I have lost 3 pounds since treatment ended and for this I am glad. I keep trying to focus on vegetable sources of nourishment and thinking of different ways to get vegetables into our meal plan. So far this has been a work in progress. We certainly are trying some different things this week, like Napa cabbage and watercress. I have made soup and bean burgers (which were actually quite tasty) and a great big salad. I feel full and satisfied. I am working on getting in two water jugs in so I stay well hydrated although I am averaging one and perhaps another 8 ounces. I have not gotten much activity in other than our usual walks and I know that this would certainly be a help in achieving my goal of 1 pound a week. I go back to the doctor's office at the end of May and I would like to be down about 5 more pounds. I think that would be a great start on my journey to fabulous health and longevity. It will also put me under 200 pounds for the first time in I can't remember when. I am listening to The Revolution on TV while I am doing my computer stuff and they are talking about burning 7000 calories in one day as a way of working through a roadblock. I don't know if the block is that big but I know I could certainly do more. Perhaps after I get my homework done I will shoot for a few hundred calorie burn. According to the show 7000 calories burned is 2 pounds lost. It sounds like a huge time investment and perhaps a little obsessive. I will go for manageable.
I hate my classes. There I said it. I have come to the end of my program and I am working on the legal aspects of teaching and SpEd in particular. I know there are laws that need to be followed, and procedures that are nonnegotiable but I am not good with remembering case studies and setting up legal briefs. If I wanted to do that I would have gone into law. I have 9 weeks left in these two particular courses and I will muddle my way through but I am having a dilly of a time trying to get my assignments completed. I guess with that being said I will get back to it.
I will persevere!
Kim :~)
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
Saturday, April 21, 2012
Spring break
I have really enjoyed having paychecks coming in again. That being said, I really needed to rest so I was very glad when I did not get a call for Friday. I got up at the usual 5:00 to walk the dog and get the husband off to work. Luckily Emily got herself up so when I fell back to sleep it was really no big deal. I drifted in and out until she left at 7:00 after which I was out like a light. I woke up to Nate Berkus' voice at 10:00. I guess I must have been a little sleepy. I felt rested until after lunch when I felt myself drifting off again. I think I must be really low on my B vitamins. That is an easy fix.
I am frustrated with myself. I gained 10 pounds during chemo and I have yet to be able to take it off. I am very active so I know it is what I am eating that is bringing me down. I have not learned how to manage the swings of menopause that chemo brought on. Mood swings, weight gain, low energy, hot flashes, etc is a little hard to wrap my head around so I guess I am just stuck in the mud. I am hoping that the onset of spring will help me drag myself out of it and set me on the path to continued good health. It would be great if I could get a good night's sleep too. The new mattress is wonderful and the night sweats ensure that I enjoy every minute of my time on it with full awareness of the comfort. I have had the windows open and the fan blowing full boar but still I watch the hours tiptoe by. I am thinking maybe more outside time during the day will help...do you see a pattern emerging here?
I visited the cemetary today with my Aunt. We cleaned up the gravesites and paid our respects and I truly feel great about making the journey. I had not visited for a while since I was focused on my recovery and I think it feels good to return to the "normal" routine. Walking up that hill from the bottom where my grandparents are to the top where my great aunts and great grandmother are is still challenging but I would much rather walk the hill than not make the effort. It makes me fell good to be able to get from the bottom to the top. I'm still here on top of the dirt :).
Grateful for each day!
Kim :~)
I am frustrated with myself. I gained 10 pounds during chemo and I have yet to be able to take it off. I am very active so I know it is what I am eating that is bringing me down. I have not learned how to manage the swings of menopause that chemo brought on. Mood swings, weight gain, low energy, hot flashes, etc is a little hard to wrap my head around so I guess I am just stuck in the mud. I am hoping that the onset of spring will help me drag myself out of it and set me on the path to continued good health. It would be great if I could get a good night's sleep too. The new mattress is wonderful and the night sweats ensure that I enjoy every minute of my time on it with full awareness of the comfort. I have had the windows open and the fan blowing full boar but still I watch the hours tiptoe by. I am thinking maybe more outside time during the day will help...do you see a pattern emerging here?
I visited the cemetary today with my Aunt. We cleaned up the gravesites and paid our respects and I truly feel great about making the journey. I had not visited for a while since I was focused on my recovery and I think it feels good to return to the "normal" routine. Walking up that hill from the bottom where my grandparents are to the top where my great aunts and great grandmother are is still challenging but I would much rather walk the hill than not make the effort. It makes me fell good to be able to get from the bottom to the top. I'm still here on top of the dirt :).
Grateful for each day!
Kim :~)
Saturday, April 14, 2012
It's awkward
I am so happy to be finished with cancer and treatment, having moved on to follow-up at this point. That being said, my friend and neighbor has just been diagnosed with glioblastoma and had surgery last week to remove the tumor. I should be completely there for her, being so recently in her shoes. However, I find myself standing back, not quite sure what to say. I am better, healthy -- she is not. I understand the cancer, how scary it can be and how devastating it will be to her family. I understand the treatment and the feelings she is going to have along the away. I cannot understand the terminal diagnosis and how to react to the fact that I am a survivor and she is not likely to be so. Yes I know my cancer can return and I may find myself in her shoes in the future. Right now she is at the beginning of her journey, but the prognosis is not as favorable. They got as much of the tumor as they could at surgery but with glioblastoma there is a high recurrence rate and a high likelihood that what was not found will return soon, stronger than before. Radiation and chemo will help somewhat but the outcome is not expected to be sitting on the porch in the rocking chair with hubby watching the grandkids play in the yard. It is that that keeps me distant. My heart breaks at the thought of her missing out on that. Her children need to know what is in her heart and I am not sure she can offer that to them. She just stopped by to return a dish and we chatted for a while. She knows I am here and that I can certainly understand better than most what she is going through. She knows I will help in any way I can, but I'm not sure that when the time comes I will be as helpful as I hope I can be. We will have to see.
This, of course, brings back the question of WHY? Why is there so much incidence of cancer in this neighborhood? Why does cancer touch the people it does? Why is is so frightening to think of passing on when I know there is peace and love waiting on the other side. Why do I think that I am so necessary here when other plans might be in place. I think the same for my friend. Why her? Her children need her more than mine need me (at the moment). I realize needs comes and goes and that our families NEED us but there are times of greater need and right now her children are in a time of GREAT NEED. Mine would survive without me. Back to why...why can't I be more there for her? Why do I think she would want me to be? She has so many around her who know her better and love her better and can offer so much more...how egotistical of me to think I should be able to help more. There we go...that is it right there. My ego is too big. I am here when needed and out of the way otherwise. ;~) I feel better now.
As for my own stuff, school is a drag. I have two classes right now that have little or nothing to do with teaching. It is all legal and ethical crap and, although I understand that I have to know what will get me into trouble and how I can avoid it, it is a total snoozefest! The books are hard to read with all the legal mumbojumbo and the teachers are SO into legal precedence. AHHHHHH, shoot me now! I am so dreading the assessments which are likely to include identifying and commenting on legal case studies and the like. I can do this...I can do this...I can do this...
Today is far too beautiful to worry about such things. I want to be in my gardens saying hello to the flowers. First, however, I must do my transcription. The closest I get to outside until it is done is having the windows and front door open. Breathe deep...
Enjoying life!
Kim :)
This, of course, brings back the question of WHY? Why is there so much incidence of cancer in this neighborhood? Why does cancer touch the people it does? Why is is so frightening to think of passing on when I know there is peace and love waiting on the other side. Why do I think that I am so necessary here when other plans might be in place. I think the same for my friend. Why her? Her children need her more than mine need me (at the moment). I realize needs comes and goes and that our families NEED us but there are times of greater need and right now her children are in a time of GREAT NEED. Mine would survive without me. Back to why...why can't I be more there for her? Why do I think she would want me to be? She has so many around her who know her better and love her better and can offer so much more...how egotistical of me to think I should be able to help more. There we go...that is it right there. My ego is too big. I am here when needed and out of the way otherwise. ;~) I feel better now.
As for my own stuff, school is a drag. I have two classes right now that have little or nothing to do with teaching. It is all legal and ethical crap and, although I understand that I have to know what will get me into trouble and how I can avoid it, it is a total snoozefest! The books are hard to read with all the legal mumbojumbo and the teachers are SO into legal precedence. AHHHHHH, shoot me now! I am so dreading the assessments which are likely to include identifying and commenting on legal case studies and the like. I can do this...I can do this...I can do this...
Today is far too beautiful to worry about such things. I want to be in my gardens saying hello to the flowers. First, however, I must do my transcription. The closest I get to outside until it is done is having the windows and front door open. Breathe deep...
Enjoying life!
Kim :)
Monday, April 9, 2012
crazy week
Last week flew by and it seems a distant memory now. Everything hit at once, as it usually does. The new semester at school started. I had followup visits with radiation oncology and wound clinic (but I think that was the week before -- they are all blending together at this point) and I had to clean for Passover and get ready for Easter. There were also the two sedars to prep for, which is a job in itself.
Treatment is over. We can start with that. I have been discharged from wound clinic and do not need to follow up with radiation oncology until the end of May. I follow up with oncology and surgery May 24th and I am sure that will go just fine. Good to put that behind me!
As for school, this is the last full time semester before interning in the fall. They are still trying to get me into TRMS, which is where I would really like to go. That being said, however, just because that is what I want does not mean that is what will happen...and even if it does, it doesn't mean I will be offered a job there afterwards. I can only pray and keep positive thoughts flowing in that direction, providing that is still what I want after interning there. I might find the program they have simply does not feel right. Who knows?! Otherwise, I have a couple of really (I mean REALLY) dry courses this semester. Collaboration and Ethics. The entire semester will focus around legal precedence and changes in IDEA. While I know how important this is to someone going into SpEd, I am going to have to struggle to get through it. I am not into statistics and couldn't care less about legal issues (I just want to do the right thing all the time). I will persevere!
Personally Passover has arrived. Sedars were Friday and Saturday nights. Each was so different even though the basic service is the same. Friday was pleasant, although chaotic, and everyone seemed to get along and enjoy themselves. Saturday was more laid back but new people came and didn't really grasp the concept of a sedar. Unexpected company (of the soft furry kind) and inappropriate (really I mean rude) cell phone use played a large part in the tension. I will have to be more thoughtful in the future (as well as clear about what the invitation encompasses) regarding to whom I open the door. I love having new people come and I really enjoy sharing the holiday but I am a little offended when the fidelity of the holiday is disregarded for personal desires. That being said, that is over and I will not have to worry about it again until next year. Easter was quiet. Steve went to work on his new motorcycle and the girls both had to work. I had the house to myself, which was not too exciting since I spent the time working. I finished just in time for everyone to arrive home. No me time. Whahhhhh!
Spring is here, although it feels like February when the sun is not out. Temperatures have been between 45 to 60 but the clouds have been hanging around making it feel much cooler. They keep threatening showers but what we really need is a good rain storm. Things are a tad dry since we had almost now snow this winter. Maybe tomorrow. In the meantime, I have to get to work on school work. There is a discussion board question I should have done last weekend and never go to.
Keeping busy looking for spring!
Kim :~)
Treatment is over. We can start with that. I have been discharged from wound clinic and do not need to follow up with radiation oncology until the end of May. I follow up with oncology and surgery May 24th and I am sure that will go just fine. Good to put that behind me!
As for school, this is the last full time semester before interning in the fall. They are still trying to get me into TRMS, which is where I would really like to go. That being said, however, just because that is what I want does not mean that is what will happen...and even if it does, it doesn't mean I will be offered a job there afterwards. I can only pray and keep positive thoughts flowing in that direction, providing that is still what I want after interning there. I might find the program they have simply does not feel right. Who knows?! Otherwise, I have a couple of really (I mean REALLY) dry courses this semester. Collaboration and Ethics. The entire semester will focus around legal precedence and changes in IDEA. While I know how important this is to someone going into SpEd, I am going to have to struggle to get through it. I am not into statistics and couldn't care less about legal issues (I just want to do the right thing all the time). I will persevere!
Personally Passover has arrived. Sedars were Friday and Saturday nights. Each was so different even though the basic service is the same. Friday was pleasant, although chaotic, and everyone seemed to get along and enjoy themselves. Saturday was more laid back but new people came and didn't really grasp the concept of a sedar. Unexpected company (of the soft furry kind) and inappropriate (really I mean rude) cell phone use played a large part in the tension. I will have to be more thoughtful in the future (as well as clear about what the invitation encompasses) regarding to whom I open the door. I love having new people come and I really enjoy sharing the holiday but I am a little offended when the fidelity of the holiday is disregarded for personal desires. That being said, that is over and I will not have to worry about it again until next year. Easter was quiet. Steve went to work on his new motorcycle and the girls both had to work. I had the house to myself, which was not too exciting since I spent the time working. I finished just in time for everyone to arrive home. No me time. Whahhhhh!
Spring is here, although it feels like February when the sun is not out. Temperatures have been between 45 to 60 but the clouds have been hanging around making it feel much cooler. They keep threatening showers but what we really need is a good rain storm. Things are a tad dry since we had almost now snow this winter. Maybe tomorrow. In the meantime, I have to get to work on school work. There is a discussion board question I should have done last weekend and never go to.
Keeping busy looking for spring!
Kim :~)
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