Gray again

I wonder sometimes how I am supposed to stay positive about everything that is going on when it always seems to be so gray outside.  The sun has not made an appearance in days (weeks it seems) and people are quite cranky or, just maybe, it seems it is just me!  I am tired of being in the house all the time.  I am tired of being tired -- well, technically of being tired followed by periods when I feel like I have to get up and go.  I'm tired of not being able to complete a task without resting for a while.  I need just one very sunny day where I can be outside for a while but one that is not too hot that I have to go inside or risk being skin-damaged.

I guess this is karma showing up.  I have had such a good reaction to my treatment that I have felt guilty about not feeling worse.  Now I have symptoms and I'm mad because I am used to being able to do what I want to do.  I have really not left the house, for more than quick errands, in I am not sure how long.  Mother's Day, I guess.  I went out to lunch with the family -- and suffered tremendous heartburn for the rest of the day -- and fatigue to boot.  Yesterday I barely could drag myself around the house.  Today I felt better until I cleaned the bathroom and then, once again, fatigue set in -- and heartburn.  I am taking my medication on a regular basis now, hoping that this will take the edge off a bit.  The fatigue is just going to have to work its way out over time.  I feel like just a sloth though hanging out on the couch all day. 

I need to go shopping.  I need to buy shampoo and razor blades.  I need to take a shower without worrying about how dirty the bathroom is.  I need to clean the floors.  I need to have something interesting to do again.  I am not a housewife.  I am not a personal shopper (okay, well maybe being Mom makes me both of these but not intentionally).  Maybe because my class was canceled tonight I am having a pity party about not getting out, gray as it is out there.  I like being with adults and having intelligent conversation.  Maybe next week.  In the meantime I will continue working on what I have in front of me and get that accomplished to my best. 

Keeping the faith (barely)!  :~)
Kim