Last night I spent my first night in a tent in almost forever. We used to tent camp when we were in our early 20s. Once the kids came along we moved to a camper and then, because my older child was such a pill about camping, we stopped entirely. We recently decided we wanted to start going again so I bought a tent -- a big tent! It sleeps 10 people (although we never plan to have that many people in it). It is a 3-room "vacation lodge." So anyway, we have had it set up in the yard to season and Steve mentioned he wanted to take it down to mow the lawn. I figured, why not?! So, last night Steve and I blew up the air mattress and took our bedclothes to the tent. No I did not draw out the sleeping bags because it would have been too hot. I took our 1500 count sheets and put them on the air mattress and we slept outside. I have to say I got the best night sleep I have gotten in forever. The only wrinkle was when I heard "something" walking through the gravel in the firepit. We live in NH after all so I know we have animals that roam the woods at night but I did not get to see what it was. It sounded kind of big, but not bear big. I think it could have been a fox or maybe a fisher cat. Either way, it walked through the firepit, by the tent, and then off into the woods. After that it was back to sleep. Today the tent came down. It got dried out and then rolled out and now will be put away until we decide to take it out into the world. I have to say, I loved the whole experience. The air mattress was comfortable (queen size). The tent was big so we had the air mattress at one end, room in the middle to set up a table and could have used the other end for camping chairs. It would be extremely comfortable for two people. I am sure it will work well with four of us too.
Anyway, back to reality. I am not very happy with my children right now. My older child has forgotten that respect is still expected even when you are an adult child. In my eyes when I ask a question if you have the information I am looking for then you answer the question -- not evade it by saying "It's none of my business." I understand the reticence to not get involved in the situation but it is not acceptable to not answer a direct question. We will talk about it later! And the other one... well, I am just tired of her half-ass doing everything. She is responsible for her own situation and refuses to accept that responsibility. I am so tired of hearing that it is someone else's fault for her shortcomings. Time to grow up and face reality -- and unfortunately I am sure that she will very soon, as far as her job is concerned.
As for me, I am okay. The effects of the last chemo treatment have pretty much worn off. I had my last MRI and echo yesterday and I will get those results next week. School is going okay and this semester will end very soon. I am registered for two classes next semester, both on campus, so it might be a little more challenging. I am going to try very hard to keep on track, or even a little ahead. I now have two weeks before I have to return for any more poking and prodding (preop testing is on 8/23). Surgery is on 8/30. It is going to be day surgery and I am sure I will be sore and tired for a week or so afterwards. I will try not to whine. One foot in front of the other and one day at a time.
Keeping the faith! :~)
Kim
Saturday, August 6, 2011
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
It's been a while since I posted
Chemo is over. Our last infusion was Thursday, 7/28. Since then things have been a little tough. I have felt weak and not very motivated to do anything. I have been nauseous a lot. I am making it through each day but only by dragging my butt around. Today is Wednesday and it has been a little better. I am still nauseous, a little, but surviving. Nothing tastes good anyway so I should just settle on not eating, but then I get even weaker. I know this will pass. It always does. Every day is better than the one before. I still have headaches occasionally, the nausea, and hemorrhoids but at least the heartburn has been better. I feel thirsty a lot too so I make sure to drink plenty. They tell me this is because of the medications. Whatever!
My hair is starting to grow back. I have tiny little stubs on my head. I still need to cover my head when I go out, though. The Barbie wigs is being worn more often than not. I still love my hats and always will. Luckily you don't have to be bald to wear a hat. I have tiny little eyebrows and my eyelashes are few and far between, but they'll come back.
My nails are a mess! I consider myself lucky to still have them on my hands. It sometimes hurts to hit the keyboard. I wouldn't be surprised to see one of them fly off while I am typing. In the meantime I will keep them short and hope for the best.
What do I really have to complain about, honestly?! I am surviving. I will have surgery at the end of August and they have told me they expect the prognosis to be better than excellent. Surgery is likely to be minimal and is only day surgery. Radition, on the other hand, has to be for 30 treatments (standard of practice, they say) so I am really not looking forward to that. I must say though that by Thanksgiving I will really have something to be thankful for. I am looking forward to the holidays this year. I might choose to keep things simple but they will certainly be special.
Keeping the faith! :~)
Kim
My hair is starting to grow back. I have tiny little stubs on my head. I still need to cover my head when I go out, though. The Barbie wigs is being worn more often than not. I still love my hats and always will. Luckily you don't have to be bald to wear a hat. I have tiny little eyebrows and my eyelashes are few and far between, but they'll come back.
My nails are a mess! I consider myself lucky to still have them on my hands. It sometimes hurts to hit the keyboard. I wouldn't be surprised to see one of them fly off while I am typing. In the meantime I will keep them short and hope for the best.
What do I really have to complain about, honestly?! I am surviving. I will have surgery at the end of August and they have told me they expect the prognosis to be better than excellent. Surgery is likely to be minimal and is only day surgery. Radition, on the other hand, has to be for 30 treatments (standard of practice, they say) so I am really not looking forward to that. I must say though that by Thanksgiving I will really have something to be thankful for. I am looking forward to the holidays this year. I might choose to keep things simple but they will certainly be special.
Keeping the faith! :~)
Kim
Friday, July 22, 2011
Hot, hot, hot
We are in the middle of a heat wave, which seems to be a common thing this summer. This one is nasty, though. With the dew point temperatures are up around 109 degrees. I know people in the south would not be very willing to offer much sympathy for this, but for us this is HOT! We are not made like this. Now, if temperatures were 10 degrees we would be perfectly fine with that, where southerners might not. I can actually see heat waves outside my window right now. I have not watered the garden in days so I am willing to bet there will be no tomatoes this fall. The beans died a while ago. Cucumbers are probably not very likely either. The potatoes will still grow though.
Inside is not too bad. We are hovering around 75, I believe, even though the air conditioning it set on 67. There is no way it will keep up with that much of a challenge. Extra fans and less clothing works just fine in keeping my temperature down. I might even jump into a cool shower if things get too uncomfortable. Boy am I sorry I got rid of the pool right now. A quick swim and a run back into the air conditioning always felt WONDERFUL.
This is my week without treatment. I feel relatively well, a little nauseous, probably from the heat. My sinuses are stuffy too, probably from the awful air. I might need to take a nap later but for now I am holding in. My homework has just been finished. Hopefully I remembered everything. Next week I look forward to having my last chemo infusion. I look forward to not being stuck with a needle on a regular basis. I look forward to not being nauseous all the time. I do not, however, look forward to having surgery. No matter what, cutting the body hurts. I know it is going to be far less severe than it would have been before chemo but still, who wants to be cut open. I meet with the surgeon Tuesday so hopefully I will know when and for how long I will be out of commission. I dread being away from the family for too, too long. A couple of days should be great though. Let them deal with my stuff.
Keeping the faith! :~)
Kim
Inside is not too bad. We are hovering around 75, I believe, even though the air conditioning it set on 67. There is no way it will keep up with that much of a challenge. Extra fans and less clothing works just fine in keeping my temperature down. I might even jump into a cool shower if things get too uncomfortable. Boy am I sorry I got rid of the pool right now. A quick swim and a run back into the air conditioning always felt WONDERFUL.
This is my week without treatment. I feel relatively well, a little nauseous, probably from the heat. My sinuses are stuffy too, probably from the awful air. I might need to take a nap later but for now I am holding in. My homework has just been finished. Hopefully I remembered everything. Next week I look forward to having my last chemo infusion. I look forward to not being stuck with a needle on a regular basis. I look forward to not being nauseous all the time. I do not, however, look forward to having surgery. No matter what, cutting the body hurts. I know it is going to be far less severe than it would have been before chemo but still, who wants to be cut open. I meet with the surgeon Tuesday so hopefully I will know when and for how long I will be out of commission. I dread being away from the family for too, too long. A couple of days should be great though. Let them deal with my stuff.
Keeping the faith! :~)
Kim
Saturday, July 16, 2011
Tough treatment this week
I am not complaining, really. The infusion just hit me a little harder this week than any other week. I just wanted to sleep and the nausea was a little rough. Things are better now. I have been sleeping as much as I can and trying really hard to keep myself hydrated and my tummy happy. I seem to be loving milk right now. Silly thing! I have never really not liked milk -- I just didn't really have a focus on it. Now I do. It seems to settle my tummy better than anything else. It's good for me too.
There has been a lot of homework to worry about this week too. I seem to be at my computer typing away for days on end and get no closer to having everything done. I guess it is just that we have come to the midpoint in the class and assignments are coming due. These are things, of course, that I could have been working on all along but I get so focused on the reading and doing the day-to-day things I forget about the big assignments looming in the distance. I did get a couple of very important things passed in today so that is progress. Now I have to go and read a case study so I can work on an action plan with my wiki group. I am a little concerned about this assignment since one of the ladies is in Arizona and will be starting school next week. Seems to me she will be a little preoccupied by that, but she seems to be plugged into the course too so I shouldn't worry about it. The other lady seems to post things quite late so I am not sure how that is going to go. I have faith in my peers and I am sure this is not an assignment I will complete by myself.
As for home, the heat is back. Not a fan, myself. The hubby has gotten his car issues mostly under control. There was a little glitch with the Acura but I am sure that will work itself out this week. Emily is already bored with her summer break. Lauren is stressed beyond belief about working so many hours and being a good manager. She needs a stress pill, I think. I am sure she is doing a wonderful job and that her GM is very impressed with her. As for me, I am suffering some simple annoyances of chemotherapy. My nails are sore and look horrible. I have heartburn. I am tired most of the time. I have one more infusion and then chemo is done. I meet my surgeon a week from Tuesday and I will know then what the plan of action will be. I am lined up for my last set of scans and will soon be able to say those too are behind me. Cancer free is a concept they are throwing around right now even though they have not said those exact words. Amazing progression to noncancer status is more in line with what the doctors have said. Cure is still on the horizon but I am tremendously hopeful.
Keeping the faith! :~)
Kim
There has been a lot of homework to worry about this week too. I seem to be at my computer typing away for days on end and get no closer to having everything done. I guess it is just that we have come to the midpoint in the class and assignments are coming due. These are things, of course, that I could have been working on all along but I get so focused on the reading and doing the day-to-day things I forget about the big assignments looming in the distance. I did get a couple of very important things passed in today so that is progress. Now I have to go and read a case study so I can work on an action plan with my wiki group. I am a little concerned about this assignment since one of the ladies is in Arizona and will be starting school next week. Seems to me she will be a little preoccupied by that, but she seems to be plugged into the course too so I shouldn't worry about it. The other lady seems to post things quite late so I am not sure how that is going to go. I have faith in my peers and I am sure this is not an assignment I will complete by myself.
As for home, the heat is back. Not a fan, myself. The hubby has gotten his car issues mostly under control. There was a little glitch with the Acura but I am sure that will work itself out this week. Emily is already bored with her summer break. Lauren is stressed beyond belief about working so many hours and being a good manager. She needs a stress pill, I think. I am sure she is doing a wonderful job and that her GM is very impressed with her. As for me, I am suffering some simple annoyances of chemotherapy. My nails are sore and look horrible. I have heartburn. I am tired most of the time. I have one more infusion and then chemo is done. I meet my surgeon a week from Tuesday and I will know then what the plan of action will be. I am lined up for my last set of scans and will soon be able to say those too are behind me. Cancer free is a concept they are throwing around right now even though they have not said those exact words. Amazing progression to noncancer status is more in line with what the doctors have said. Cure is still on the horizon but I am tremendously hopeful.
Keeping the faith! :~)
Kim
Monday, July 11, 2011
Things get old
I feel badly today about so many different things. I wish I had been able to give my children the life that they really wanted. It makes a parent sad to think their child is so unhappy that they would prefer to be anywhere else (including dead) than to be in the place where they are. I never understood the concept of suicide. I see it as an extremely selfish gesture that only hurts the ones left behind but I guess I can grasp the concept of hurting so much inside that you just want the pain to be gone. No, no one has committed suicide, but my younger daughter throws it into conversation (arguments) from time to time in an effort to get a reaction. Therapists have told us she is only threatening and has no real plan or desire, so not to worry. Easier said than done. Perhaps homicide would be more to her liking?! Just kidding. It does cross my mind on occasion though that in her fits of rage she might actually try to hurt one of us. It is a tough thing to deal with and it gets old trying to figure out the next move.
Know what else gets old...listening to people tell the same stories over and over again. You would think that once a reaction is noted you would not need to keep going back and looking for a different one. First reactions are often the most genuine and accurate, but not always. I would think that after the tenth or twentieth times though when the reaction did not change the stories could be put to bed. No one particular in mind on this one, of course. There are actually so many repeaters that I have lost count.
And another thing...it gets old really quick to have a routine in place and a method for accomplishing things that has not changed but that some people just never seem to grasp (i.e., the calender on the wall for those concerned) or the fact that I will not answer the phone until I see who is calling. It amazes me the number of times I just get to my cell phone when my husband will hang up and call the house phone, which leaves me running for yet another phone. Gee whiz! And if you know I am home, don't leave a message because I will just call you right back. Leaving a message means that when you call me back in a minute, and you know you will, I will be retrieving the voice mail. Silly, silly, silly!
It might seem that I am a little crabby today but really I am not. I was just thinking about thinks that make me twitch -- you know, pet peeves. I thought I would get a couple down before I move on with my life. I actually have to get ready for class tonight. I wanted to get my philosophy statement done before I leave and perhaps figure out the wiki assignments I need to do (for both classes). I would also like to gather my questions for my research paper before I see my dad on Friday. I would like to get writing so I can check those off my list. SO much to do in so little time.
One more it gets old... treating cancer. That gets old really quickly, especially when there is no real progress to note. The tumor is "gone." There are two infusion treatments left including this one this week and then we move to surgery. I will know in a couple of weeks when surgery will be scheduled. After that I will begin to contemplate radiation. I am tired. I am tired of talking about cancer. I am tired of traveling to Boston to get treatment. I am tired of getting treatment. I am tired of not feeling well afterwards and having to lay around the house a lot of the time because I have no energy. I am tired of being in the dark because it is too hot to be outside so I am inside with the curtains drawn. I am tired of not tasting food and having a dry mouth from my medications. I am certainly tired of being bald and bloated. Yes, I think treating cancer is what I would say gets old the fastest!
Keeping the faith! :~)
Kim
Know what else gets old...listening to people tell the same stories over and over again. You would think that once a reaction is noted you would not need to keep going back and looking for a different one. First reactions are often the most genuine and accurate, but not always. I would think that after the tenth or twentieth times though when the reaction did not change the stories could be put to bed. No one particular in mind on this one, of course. There are actually so many repeaters that I have lost count.
And another thing...it gets old really quick to have a routine in place and a method for accomplishing things that has not changed but that some people just never seem to grasp (i.e., the calender on the wall for those concerned) or the fact that I will not answer the phone until I see who is calling. It amazes me the number of times I just get to my cell phone when my husband will hang up and call the house phone, which leaves me running for yet another phone. Gee whiz! And if you know I am home, don't leave a message because I will just call you right back. Leaving a message means that when you call me back in a minute, and you know you will, I will be retrieving the voice mail. Silly, silly, silly!
It might seem that I am a little crabby today but really I am not. I was just thinking about thinks that make me twitch -- you know, pet peeves. I thought I would get a couple down before I move on with my life. I actually have to get ready for class tonight. I wanted to get my philosophy statement done before I leave and perhaps figure out the wiki assignments I need to do (for both classes). I would also like to gather my questions for my research paper before I see my dad on Friday. I would like to get writing so I can check those off my list. SO much to do in so little time.
One more it gets old... treating cancer. That gets old really quickly, especially when there is no real progress to note. The tumor is "gone." There are two infusion treatments left including this one this week and then we move to surgery. I will know in a couple of weeks when surgery will be scheduled. After that I will begin to contemplate radiation. I am tired. I am tired of talking about cancer. I am tired of traveling to Boston to get treatment. I am tired of getting treatment. I am tired of not feeling well afterwards and having to lay around the house a lot of the time because I have no energy. I am tired of being in the dark because it is too hot to be outside so I am inside with the curtains drawn. I am tired of not tasting food and having a dry mouth from my medications. I am certainly tired of being bald and bloated. Yes, I think treating cancer is what I would say gets old the fastest!
Keeping the faith! :~)
Kim
Sunday, July 10, 2011
I sometimes wonder...
Why did I have children? Why did I insist on getting the dog? Why am I the only one (few exceptions) who knows how to start the laundry? Why can I not keep my house clean? When is my hair going to actually grow (present stubble appreciated but questionable)? Does anyone really care? (Yes I know they do!) Why does summer have to be so hot? Why can I be so self-absorbed sometimes? Why are some people so superficial and self-centered? Ahhhh..... No I don't expect any answers really.
Today is a beautiful Sunday. The temperatures have been tolerable and the humidity is down. There is really nothing to complain about. I have not had to work all weekend because I worked Friday, which I don't usually do. I have to check my school work sites but that shouldn't take too long. All my assignments have been submitted and I am already working on the reading for this week's class. Time management has not been so much of an issue this week. I have actually had enough time to make hubby take me for a ride on his motorcycle. Nothing too exciting -- just a run for gas and milk.
The coming week might be more challenging though. I have class tomorrow and have a couple of assignments due that actually require me to write something. I have a philosophy statement regarding diversity to create and a group project on addressing poverty in the classroom. I also have a critical task due in the other class but I am not sure what I am supposed to be doing with it. I was pretty sure I had done everything I needed to do with it but it was supposed to be an ongoing project over the past few weeks and there has been no feedback from the teacher. This is why I really prefer face-to-face classes rather than online classes. If I have a question I can present it directly and not via e-mails. Something seems to get lost in e-mail communications.
I also have treatment this week and injection too. This will be the treatment before the last treatment or as I refer to it, the last treatment before we wear our t-shirts. The girls and I made t-shirts for the family that we will wear to our last infusion. Treatment this week is early, 6:45. That means we need to leave here by 5:15 or so. Next week is 6:30 so it will be 5:00 at the latest. It will be funny seeing the girls drag themselves out of bed so we can be on the road by 5:00. Teenagers up by 5:00 a.m. -- can you imagine?! We meet with the surgeon soon and I am hopeful that the treatment plan will be changed and will not require as much surgery or radiation. I am dreading 30 treatments of radiation for a tumor that has pretty much disappeared. Doesn't really make sense to me. Of course, I will do as I am told -- be the good patient I am supposed to be. I want it gone, by any means necessary.
Keeping the faith! :~)
Kim
Today is a beautiful Sunday. The temperatures have been tolerable and the humidity is down. There is really nothing to complain about. I have not had to work all weekend because I worked Friday, which I don't usually do. I have to check my school work sites but that shouldn't take too long. All my assignments have been submitted and I am already working on the reading for this week's class. Time management has not been so much of an issue this week. I have actually had enough time to make hubby take me for a ride on his motorcycle. Nothing too exciting -- just a run for gas and milk.
The coming week might be more challenging though. I have class tomorrow and have a couple of assignments due that actually require me to write something. I have a philosophy statement regarding diversity to create and a group project on addressing poverty in the classroom. I also have a critical task due in the other class but I am not sure what I am supposed to be doing with it. I was pretty sure I had done everything I needed to do with it but it was supposed to be an ongoing project over the past few weeks and there has been no feedback from the teacher. This is why I really prefer face-to-face classes rather than online classes. If I have a question I can present it directly and not via e-mails. Something seems to get lost in e-mail communications.
I also have treatment this week and injection too. This will be the treatment before the last treatment or as I refer to it, the last treatment before we wear our t-shirts. The girls and I made t-shirts for the family that we will wear to our last infusion. Treatment this week is early, 6:45. That means we need to leave here by 5:15 or so. Next week is 6:30 so it will be 5:00 at the latest. It will be funny seeing the girls drag themselves out of bed so we can be on the road by 5:00. Teenagers up by 5:00 a.m. -- can you imagine?! We meet with the surgeon soon and I am hopeful that the treatment plan will be changed and will not require as much surgery or radiation. I am dreading 30 treatments of radiation for a tumor that has pretty much disappeared. Doesn't really make sense to me. Of course, I will do as I am told -- be the good patient I am supposed to be. I want it gone, by any means necessary.
Keeping the faith! :~)
Kim
Friday, July 8, 2011
Too hot to blog lately!
Sorry folks. Once the thermometer hits 85 everything shuts down. I cannot function, even in the air conditioning and this has absolutely NOTHING to do with the cancer. This is just life. I hate the heat!! It is safe to say that I will never spend extended time south of the Mason Dixon line. Then again, I am not too fond of the cold either so going any further north is probably just as unlikely. There has to be some place in the world where the temperature is around 75 to 80 degrees year round. That is my ideal!
So since this is a week without chemo there is not really much to write about. I feel okay most of the time. Sleep is still tough. I really need to be in the air conditioning and any time it is over 70 (the temperature in the house) I am awake all night. I will be so happy when things are back to normal and I can regulate my body temperature better. I overheat so quickly and then get cold so quickly that I am constantly flipping the blankets on and off -- keeps the husband up all night too.
Next week is my almost last treatment (one treatment left after that). We have t-shirts we made to wear to the last treatment so I consider this next one the last treatment before we wear our t-shirts. Hubby is going to take pictures and hopefully a video to send off to GMA for Your Three Words, which is a segment they do on the weekends. I am considering donning the baldness for this special once in a lifetime picture. The kids are still planning to do a photo shoot of me and my hats, when the are home for more than a few minutes or to sleep. We will just have to wait it out. I am still considering whether to post them on Facebook or not. There are a couple of pictures that a friend posted from a party with the wig on, which I am not sure how I feel about. I am not really happy with the overall appearance of myself right now. Bloated and bald is never a good look.
Keeping the faith! :~)
Kim
So since this is a week without chemo there is not really much to write about. I feel okay most of the time. Sleep is still tough. I really need to be in the air conditioning and any time it is over 70 (the temperature in the house) I am awake all night. I will be so happy when things are back to normal and I can regulate my body temperature better. I overheat so quickly and then get cold so quickly that I am constantly flipping the blankets on and off -- keeps the husband up all night too.
Next week is my almost last treatment (one treatment left after that). We have t-shirts we made to wear to the last treatment so I consider this next one the last treatment before we wear our t-shirts. Hubby is going to take pictures and hopefully a video to send off to GMA for Your Three Words, which is a segment they do on the weekends. I am considering donning the baldness for this special once in a lifetime picture. The kids are still planning to do a photo shoot of me and my hats, when the are home for more than a few minutes or to sleep. We will just have to wait it out. I am still considering whether to post them on Facebook or not. There are a couple of pictures that a friend posted from a party with the wig on, which I am not sure how I feel about. I am not really happy with the overall appearance of myself right now. Bloated and bald is never a good look.
Keeping the faith! :~)
Kim
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)