Some thoughts about recent events

I have had my first official "set-back" and I am glad it happened.  It is so easy once you have been given the no cancer label to try to jump back into your old life and expect to be able to do everything, as before.  This is not the case.  I forgot that just because I am cancer free it does not mean I did not have cancer.  I still have to allow myself to heal so that I can be healthy once more.  Needless to say I forgot this and developed an infection, a bad one from what they tell me.  I had to be admitted to the hospital and have another surgery to drain the abscess that had developed.  I was less than thrilled about the prospect of having to put my life on hold once again for this demon called cancer.  Luckily the surgery went well and things are draining nicely (it's disgusting to look at but as long as it works).  I had to spend a couple of days in bed contemplating my situation.  The reality at this point is that I cannot do everything I want to do.  I cannot lift laundry baskets just because they are there.  I have to rely on others and if something doesn't get done when I want it to then that is just the way it is going to be!

I am questioning my faith in those around me too.  Just because I feel particularly strongly about something doesn't mean that you shouldn't do what you think is right.  Should we have had dinner for the family last night just because I insisted or should those around me have said NO because it would be in my best interest?  I am unsure.   Anyway, we did have dinner and now there is a huge mess staring me in the face that I cannot do anything about.  It creates a little anxiety.

Finally, school.  I missed school this week.  I have never missed school for anything, even when I was completely exhausted and feeling nauseous.  I made this decision, though, that I need to rest and traveling an hour to and from school was not in my best interest.  I had enough trouble driving into Plaistow this morning to get my antibiotics.  I am going to try to stop and think before I do anything and make sure that it is really as important as I think it is.  I certainly do NOT want to end up back in the hospital because I was too stubborn to put myself first.

Keeping the faith!
Kim :~)