Okay, so now the cancer is gone. My surgeon is delighted. I am beside myself with you. Everyone has sent along congratulations and best wishes. Now I am at a loss... I have been fighting this battle for seven months now. I still have pain from surgery. The scars are there and will be always. I have it in my head that I am battling cancer, but the battle is over. What do I do with myself? Okay, so the battle is not completely over. I still have to get clearance from my oncologist, whom I will see tomorrow, and I need to complete radiation. When exactly do I start thinking like a "normal" person again and not constantly worrying about the next doctor visit or test result. Will normal ever really be normal?
I was at DF yesterday to see my surgeon. I drove myself into the hospital. As I was waiting for the elevator a woman came in who was obviously very anxious and agitated along with a friend (who had obviously driven and was there for support). They chatted back and forth while waiting for the elevator about how they weren't sure where they were going. I asked and apparently she was there to register so I directed her and offered support. It was strange, like a full-circle moment.
As for now, I continue to work on my transcription and hope to get a phone call to sub at a school. I did get a call yesterday (while I was in Boston) but I know that it is still early. I am sure that before long I will be focused on subbing and getting back to work, as well as back to school, and I will think less and less about my diagnosis and treatment and will focus on the future. For now I feel like I am in limbo and not sure which way to turn. Just for now I am going to focus on the good results treatment has given me and how happy I am that I will have a future with my family.
Keeping the faith! :~)
Kim
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