I have not truly been remiss in posting lately. We have Xfinity for internet service and, not uncommonly, our service has been down. I am so happy Steve has finally agreed to return to DirectTV and Fairpoint for internet. Never, EVER had a problem with them, except the cost. 2012 is going to be a better year for us so I think starting with improved service would be a great idea.
Anyway, the holidays are over. YEAH! Things got really crazy for a while there. The families cannot seem to be in the same place at the same time so things had to be done in bits and pieces. Aunt Sugie decided Christmas would be a great time to have her knee replacement revised so I have been running back and forth from the hospital and rehab trying to keep her on an even keel. As a matter of fact, she called me during a family dinner last night to let me know she had to see the orthopedist this afternoon and thought it might be helpful to have me there. Swell! I have also been doing her laundry, which my sister took care of last time but for some reason is just not able to handle now, so I have been running that back and forth too. I'm tired and feel totally unrested. School starts (for work) on Tuesday, although Emily tells me she starts Monday. My own classes start the following week and I still have not accomplished any of the things I was supposed to do during break. Today is going to be a very busy day for me on the computer.
I have put off my work too. The doctor is on vacation and I have, very much unlike me, put it off until now. I knew I could not send it because there was no internet connection so I figured, why bother rushing to do it. Now the internet is back and I plan to get all my computer work done today, before running off to the doctor with my aunt, but we will see how that goes. I know more work is coming today and I hate to piggy-back it.
As for my health, this has been a hard week. One of my wounds has completely healed, as I believe I had mentioned earlier, but the other has not changed in four weeks. I saw my surgeon on Tuesday and she was not at all happy with the discharge she was seeing or the fact that there appeared to be no healing. She sent me to a plastic surgeon at Brigham & Women's Hospital, which is just across the bridge from DFCI. Granted this surgeon squeezed me into his schedule but I felt like I had been steamrolled when he left the room. He breezed in, pretty much on time so I will give him credit for that, shook my hand, said hello to my daughters, removed my packing and proceeded to tell me that I had four options -- 1. I could continue with the packing and wait and see how long it would take for the wound to heal, pointing out that it could be months or even years for it to completely heal, and indicated that this would probably make radiation impossible. 2. I could speak with my radiation oncologist and hope that they would consider doing radiation with the wound as it is, with the understanding, of course, that the wound would not heal during radiation and could likely get worse. 3. I could have what they call a VAC procedure in which the wound is opened surgically, cleaned out, and reapproximated hoping for closure. This procedure he pointed out was unlikely to be successful since breast tissue is made of mostly fat and fat is not easily reapproximated. Best case scenario is that I would heal in 12 or so weeks, also making radiation unlikely to be possible. Finally, 4. I could undergo mastectomy. Upon outlining my opyions he shook our hands and left the room. GREAT BEDSIDE MANNER. Luckily, as I was sitting in shock looking at my daughters and feeling helpless, his PA and MA came in to repack my wound. The PA asked if I had any questions and I frankly told her that I felt more uncomfortable now that I had seen the doctor than I had when I came in. She then apologized stating that usually they come in first and talk with the patient and then the doctor comes in afterwards. She and I discussed the options again so I better understood what I was looking at. They changed the way I would do the dressing changes and suggested I give the new dressings a couple of weeks to work and in the meantime contact my radiation oncologist to see if he would consider doing radiation. That is a whole other story. In the office that day, unfortunately it came down to the same thing...the first three options were not likely to be successful and I should probably ready myself for the inevitable, a mastectomy and breast reconstruction. This certainly made for a tough night -- telling my husband we had just gone through an entire year of treatment only to end up where we had started, only cancer free this time.
As for the radiation oncologist, only a week or so ago I had received a letter from Dr. Jones letting me know that he was moving his practice to Augusta, Maine. I would need to find a new doctor to treat me. Knowing this I called his office and spoke to his nurse. I explained to her what had been explained to me and she said she would speak with Dr. Jones and get back to me. Later that afternoon she did just that and said Dr. Jones was not comfortable making such a decision knowing he would be leaving and he suggested that I make an appointment with the doctor who would be replacing him and see how she felt about the situation. I did indeed make that appointment but will need to wait until January 9th for any answers in that realm. In the meantime, I continue the new method for dressing changes and pray for the best.
What I would really like for 2012 is for this to be over. I would like to be healed. I would like to be working more often. I would like to finish my classes and get ready for my internship. I would like to focus on being healthy overall. I want to join a gym but know that there is simply not going to be enough money for that to happen. I will have to be super-focused on achieving what I can with the equipment and videos that I have here at home. I have to make me a priority and the rest will follow. 2012 is going to be a pivotal year in my life. I will achieve my first year of being cancer free. I will resolve this wound issue and I will get my health pointed in the right direction, taking care of me first. This is my prayer and my goal.
Keeping the faith! :~)
Kim
PS -- Wishing the best for all who have touched my life.
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