I believe every day is a gift. We always assume that we will have tomorrow, and the day after that, and the day after that but really who knows? ! I forged through my life like a freight train for the most part. I was always in a hurry to get to the next thing, whether it be finishing school, getting married, buying a house, having kids, etc. etc. etc. It is nice to just enjoy a beautiful day and all the things that happen in it. I am 44 years old and am just learning how to put the brakes on and enjoy right now. I might not have tomorrow, realistically.
I have a job, for which I am grateful. I have been called to sub a couple of times already this year (although I have been unable to do so because of my infection and appointments). My transcription continues to support me in the meantime. I should be doing that right now but I figured I would take a couple of minutes, clear the e-mails, and put some thoughts down on how I am feeling today.
I have been blessed to have had such a good course of treatment that led to me being cancer free. I am not too happy about this infection I am fighting but overall it is the biggest complication that I have had. Yes I lost my hair. Yes I was tired during chemo. No I did not always feel wonderful. I really disliked having to give myself the injections to keep my blood counts up. No I didn't like having to travel into Boston every week so I could have "rehabilitative fluids" pumped through my body. I am SOOOOO glad that is over. Radition cannot begin until this infection clears but I see that as being the end of this journey for me, treatment-wise. I know there are a lot of feelings and experiences that will come after. Today I am only focusing on clearing this infection and doing whatever it will take to do that. Antibiotics end today. The visiting nurse repacked the wounds and hopefully this will draw out the remaining infection so I can completely heal. Then...on to radiation.
My family has been great throughout this whole thing. They have been patient with my meltdowns (especially hubby who has been especially supportive when I cry my eyes out for no particular reason) and the kids have looked for ways to help too. Both have mentioned activities they have taken on that will raise awareness of breast cancer and help support research. Emily wants to do the big walk but we will see how that goes. I nag them constantly about remembering to do their breast self-exams, along with anyone else who will listen.
I feel the need at this point to get back to work, not just today but in general. I miss the classroom terribly and look forward to that first day I can say YES. I have broadened my base of schools I will go to so that I can be busier (once I clear the infection/radiation hurdle). I expect 2011 will close out before I am completely free to return to my new normal. However that happens, I am grateful that I am still here, still breathing, healthy, and able to return to work. I will have my own contract before too much longer so for now I will enjoy the ability to say yes or no any particular day when asked if I am free.
Keeping the faith! :~)
Kim
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