I'm still wondering when I am going to get the rush of emotions that everyone is telling me I will get now that this is over. I feel like, especially with the help of this blog, I have dealt with issues as they came up. I have been mad, sad, frustrated, hurt, upset, relieved, happy, and all the other emotions one would expect with a diagnosis like this. Steve and I never stopped fighting when we got upset with each other. We never held anything back. Still, I wait.
Yesterday was the day I expected to fall apart. Rather than that I threw myself into activity. I would like to think that rather than having a breakdown I had a breakthrough. I decided I needed to do what I wanted to do and not let anyone tell me I shouldn't bother because ... I invested in myself and made some great choices. I still have some avoidant behavior to work through (like now when I should be writing a paper for school) but that will come in time (I will do the paper as soon as I am through here!). I felt happy and positive, looking forward not back. I set goals and congratulated myself for making them.
Today I am more laid back. I am avoiding that paper. I have to go out and get my transcription work. I should take the dog for a walk. I want to ride my bike while it is warm out and my ears won't freeze. I am going to set my priorities and get the list started but first I wanted to get myself organized and check the computer tasks off my list. Now I feel I have done that and I will move on to the next thing on my list. Tomorrow is another day and I will do the same...put my feet on the floor getting out of bed and then put one foot in front of the other until it is time to put them back under the covers for the night. Thank you Lord for one more day!
Keeping the faith! :~)
Kim
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