What happened to spring?

I just came in from walking the dog on yet another rainy day.  I know this is April and we are supposed to get "showers" but for goodness sake, why is every day a cold and rainy one lately?  Bubba really smells bad!  True, the daffodils are blooming and the lilacs are budding, heck even the weeping cherry is starting to show signs of life but really do we need this much rain to progress into summer? 

We had great news this week!  I had my second round of testing on Wednesday and then a biopsy on Friday.  I know last week we had met with the nurse practitioner and we all were excited about not feeling the lump anymore but now we have confirmation of the lump being "gone."  I am sure it has not completely disappeared but they could only find the marker on the ultrasound for biopsy.  They were saying, rather than where the tumor is, where the tumor was.  I have had six chemo treatments and it is awesome to hear that it is working so well.  We still have to have the rest of the chemo, surgery, and then radiation but at least now I am extremely hopeful that it will be gone in the end and hopefully this will be a chapter in my life I can use to grow from and never have to repeat.  What have I learned?  Hmmm.....

One thing could be that as awful as today might seem, tomorrow (even if it is still raining) is a gift that I should never take for granted.  I rejoice in another rainy day.  I look for the joy (like the flowers) that it will bring in the near future.  I appreciate every day more than the one before because there is no guarantee that tomorrow will come for any of us.  Rainy or not, I look forward to daybreak and the promise of another day with my family and friends.  The best part is that tomorrow is Easter and I will get to each chocolate!  :)  First church, then chocolate. 

Keeping the faith!  :~)
Kim

Finally Friday...

It seems like some weeks fly by while others last FOREVER!  This was one of those weeks.  Monday and Tuesday brought family for Seder, Wednesday was spent in Boston (all day) for tests, and today I spent the day putting Seder dishes away and getting the house back to normal.  There are still a few days left until Passover will be done but at least now we have the furniture back where it belongs, the bulk of the dishes and supplies are put away, and we can continue almost like normal.  Chemo was postponed until tomorrow so it makes the week seem just a little bit longer.

Seders went well.  For the most part everyone behaved.  There was a lot of tension, though, among the kitchen crew.  I'm not sure what that was all about but I am willing to bet it is deep-rooted and will never be truly resolved.  Thank you to my daughters, though, who were big helps when the time came.  Could not have done it without them.  Thank you to the family and to Bubbe and Aunt Shelly for their guidance and support.  The funny thing too is that, although my blood pressures had been running high, when I took them on Monday and Tuesday nights, after having the entire family here, they were almost normal.  I'm not sure what that says about me...or them. 

I am looking forward to Easter now.  I WANT CHOCOLATE in the worse way!  Sunday, after Mass, I will have my first taste since being diagnosed.  I hope that this doesn't go the way of black jelly beans and turn out being something I just can't stomach while I am recovering.  I can almost deal with not having jelly beans, but chocolate...  I am keeping the fingers crossed. 

Keeping the faith!  :~)
Kim

Happy Passover to all...

One Seder is done and the other follows within hours.  Quietly I await the return of "normal."  My poor dog is wandering the house wondering where "his" spot has gone.  There are tables where there used to be floor space.  The couch is pushed way over against the wall.  His pillow has been moved to the family room -- exiled to the family room -- poor Bubba!  The cats are also displaced.  They are looking for their lunch in the usual spot and refuse to accept that they must eat lunch in the basement this week.  They are not very accepting and at this point I'm thinking "too darned bad if they can't get it straight."  They are way too fussy and pampered to begin with.  If they want to give me grief they can simply wait until next week to have their regular lunch.  Tomorrow would be almost normal if I was not going into Boston for more testing. 

I am feeling a little frustrated by that too.  My testing schedule has been changed about five times now and I am not completely appreciative of that.  I am now receiving news that rather than being in Boston tomorrow at 7:00 as expected, I don't have to be there until 9:00.  That puts my ride at work and my daughter (who has graciously offered to step in and bring me to Malden) right in the middle of commuter traffic.  To boot, I have one test in the morning and the other isn't until 4:00 in the afternoon.  That sucks, big time!  I'm sure it will turn out to be a wonderful day for an adventure but after all this holiday prep crap I want to rest a bit and not be traveling all day.  Oh well, why should I complain...I'm getting better.

So anyway, Happy Passover to my Jewish family and friends.  Have a wonderful Easter to all my Christian friends.  Remember this too shall pass. 

Keeping the faith!  :~)
Kim

Great news, and not so good news

Things have been going wonderfully so far.  I have felt pretty well most days.  I have had little to no side effects from the chemo and I have an awesome support network.  The greatest news of all, however, is that the lump is no longer palpable (we can't feel it), which means the chemo is working and my prognosis is awesome.  My providers are very encouraged by the progress.   

There is always some not so good news too though.  My blood pressure is high because of the chemo and I will probably need to go on medication for that.  One more medication to add to my never-ending supply it seems.  Luckily this is a temporary situation and will not be necessary once the chemo is finished.  I add this to the fact that my veins are deteriorating and finding a place to put the IV every week is becoming more difficult.  My hands are black and blue from being stuck.  I know they want to persevere the arms for after surgery but seriously we have to find some way to lessen the black and blues. 

Beyond that things are going well.  I am very tired from all the prep for Passover and Easter.  I have had help luckily and I did not have to have the meltdown I expected I would have to have.  I do find I am a little short with everyone right now though.  I think a nap for a couple of hours will probably fix that right up.  Of course getting rid of the heartburn that has crept into my chest this morning might also be helpful.  There is one particular medication that is supposed to keep my stomach from getting upset that really seems to lead to heartburn.  Luckily there is only one more pill to take this time around and I don't have to take it every time.  Thank God for Maalox.  It takes care of the heartburn almost immediately so just a trip upstairs will make me feel better. 

Keeping the faith!  :~)
Kim

Rainy Wednesday

Today was a better day than yesterday.  It rained (poured actually) for most of the day and it was gray and raw -- my least favorite kind of day.  Although...I noticed the trees are really fuzzy now with all the buds, which means it won't be long until we have leaves again.  My flower beds are bursting with new foliage and my fingers are getting itchy to be back in the dirt.  I think it might just be time to start the tomato plants.  I'm going to try the upside-down ones this year and see how well this method actually works. 

We are back to chemo tomorrow.  I have had such an awesome week symptom-wise that I am dreading the infusion tomorrow.  Anyway, there is more testing coming up next week too.  I hear I will have another PET scan and MRI as well as another biopsy.  I must have been picked for the extra biopsy because I thought I would not have another one until close to the end of treatment.  Whatever...I will just be a good patient and do what the doctor tells me.  I know there has been some confusion with scheduling this week so I hope that when we get there tomorrow everything is all cleared up.  I will have to make arrangements for rides. 

Oh...my hair has actually started falling out (the little bit I have left after shaving it).  Luckily my wigs came in today and gave us all quite a laugh.  There is one that looks like I have an animal on my head (obvious not a great wig) and the other is not so bad -- but very blond.  I didn't expect it to be so blond but, then again, summer is coming and my hair is always lighter in the summer.  I think I have actually gotten comfortable with the buzz cut I have been sporting for a couple of weeks now.  It will be sad to see it go.  I am still holding out hope for keeping my eyebrows and eyelashes, but whatever will be will be.  They will grow back once the chemo is done and I am well on the road to recovery.  I noticed recently that I can no longer feel the lump.  I am hoping that is good news. 

Keeping the faith!  :~)
Kim

Tough week...and it's only Tuesday!

I was told right from the beginning that there would be times when I just could not do what I wanted to do.  Of course...I know that...I will just do the best I can.  That is just what I have done, so far, but now I feel like I am crashing against a wall with a list of stuff to do that is a mile long and there is no one around who can help me with it.  Passover starts Monday!  My house is not ready.  My kitchen is not ready.  I am not ready!  I said I would not be as fussy this year about how things were done.  Unfortunately I am still me.  I still am obsessive about doing "things right."  I still feel like if it is not done right, it is not done.  Too much right now. 

I know my husband said he would "take care of it."  He will do what he can, but he can't do it all.  The girls did their rooms.  I'm sorry girls, but those rooms are not PASSOVER CLEAN.  I know you tried and I know I am being way too critical today, but panic mode has set in and I am feeling overwhelmed.  I will try to relax and let you finish on Saturday but if I don't see action Saturday morning I know I am going to freak and try to do it myself.  Please...save me from me. 

I have stressed also over school this week.  It seems like there is a never-ending list of assignments that need to be managed.  I seem to cram it all in on Monday and Tuesday (bad planning on my part), which only adds to my list of things to obsess over.  Luckily everything is done now (except the Passover cleaning) and I am going to take a few minutes for me.  After lunch I will see how I feel and maybe, just maybe, I will clean my own bedroom and cross that off the list.  If things go really well, maybe the bathroom will get cleaned too, but I don't think I am going to push myself too hard.   I will try hard to pace myself so I can get through class tonight.  I don't want to fall asleep on the way home!

Keeping the faith! :~)
Kim

Another Monday...

Mondays come so fast!!!  It seems like I was just in Boston yesterday and today is Monday already.  I actually experienced nausea today.  It was fleeting and probably related to the headache I woke up with but at least now I can say I have had some and I no longer have to feel guilty for feeling well most days.  Today has been a very busy Monday and I have yet to rest at all but I feel a great sense of accomplishment with everything I have done.  I have read a chapter for school.  I have driven to City Hall to get my daughter's copy of her birth certificate so she can start driver's ed as well as got her the application for her work permit.  Yes we are sending the baby girl off to the workforce!  I have also gotten most of my homework done for class tomorrow!  Yeah me!

I have to attend a meeting later this evening for Em's confirmation.  I have to keep reminding myself because the mind is not as sharp as it was before the diagnosis.  I believe this will be temporary, like the other symptoms  -- at least I hope so.  I rely on notes and reminders like never before!

It is a beautiful Monday with our first temperatures around 70.  As tempted as I am to drop the top on the car, I don't want to risk getting sick.  Oh, I know better than that...as soon as I get outside the top will be down and I will be cruising with the dog in the backseat.  As a matter of fact, what better time than now!

Keeping the faith!  :~)
Kim