It has been a long year and a lot of things have happened in my life. I have always believed that things in life have a cycle. There is a beginning and an end and all the stuff that happens in the middle. Each cycle leads to a new understanding with all understandings adding together to create the knowledge we are here to gain. I feel now that the time has come to end my cancer blog. A new cycle is beginning that I will call recovery. The battle is over.
I thank those who have followed my blog through the journey. I know there have been some who have been faithful and others who have been occasional visitors. Either way I appreciate the support you have provided. I hope never to have to blog about such things again. From here on it will be a survivor's story.
Enjoy your own personal journeys and thanks for sharing mine.
Be well always,
Kim :~)
Sunday, June 10, 2012
Thursday, May 31, 2012
all is well
My visit with my Boston doctors went well. Everyone is happy with the progress. I don't have to go back now until September, which is great!!
School is drawing to a close and I am crazy with finishing up assignments and getting ready for my last class. I will intern this fall at the Cooperative Middle School in Stratham. I am hopeful things will go well and I will learn a lot! From what I hear there are a good number of students who require alternate assessments and this is not something I would likely get anywhere else. See, everything DOES happen for a reason!
Otherwise things are unremarkable. Camp is open. Our Spanish student will be arriving 6/27. My girls are the same as always, as is Steve. Not much exciting here in Shapiroland.
:)
Kim
School is drawing to a close and I am crazy with finishing up assignments and getting ready for my last class. I will intern this fall at the Cooperative Middle School in Stratham. I am hopeful things will go well and I will learn a lot! From what I hear there are a good number of students who require alternate assessments and this is not something I would likely get anywhere else. See, everything DOES happen for a reason!
Otherwise things are unremarkable. Camp is open. Our Spanish student will be arriving 6/27. My girls are the same as always, as is Steve. Not much exciting here in Shapiroland.
:)
Kim
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
Life takes over
I was so much better at this blogging thing while I was out of work and getting treatment. Things seem to get away from me now and I have been very busy. I am almost, ALMOST looking forward to summer break. What I think is wonderful is that this summer I will not be spending my days at the hospital, we will have a student from Spain for July, and I don't have to worry (well I have to consider, but not worry) about making sure I have enough sunscreen on. I can work in my gardens and go places. I should have energy enough to have a really great summer. I AM SO GRATEFUL!
I actually have a visit with my oncologist on Thursday. I will make the trek to Boston and check in. It almost makes me nauseous at this point to think about going there, especially when I think about everything I went through to get better. Again, I am so grateful to be on this side of the diagnosis.
Summer is coming quickly. School is winding down (both work school and school school). I have gotten my placement for the fall and I think it is going to be terrific! I was not thrilled about going to the Co-Op but, as I always say, thing work out the way they are supposed to and there is a reason for everything. I really like the teacher I will be working with. We have very similar teaching styles and belief systems. I think I will get a lot out of it.
Looking forward to (and am grateful for) a future!
Kim
I actually have a visit with my oncologist on Thursday. I will make the trek to Boston and check in. It almost makes me nauseous at this point to think about going there, especially when I think about everything I went through to get better. Again, I am so grateful to be on this side of the diagnosis.
Summer is coming quickly. School is winding down (both work school and school school). I have gotten my placement for the fall and I think it is going to be terrific! I was not thrilled about going to the Co-Op but, as I always say, thing work out the way they are supposed to and there is a reason for everything. I really like the teacher I will be working with. We have very similar teaching styles and belief systems. I think I will get a lot out of it.
Looking forward to (and am grateful for) a future!
Kim
Monday, May 14, 2012
Everything is different now...
I'm different now. Things that seemed to bother me greatly in the past are like water off a duck's back. Still, there are things now that are SOOOO important to me and I will stand my ground to preserve them. One of these things is my sense of self. I am valuable and unique and gifted in ways that many others are not. I am not being conceited here -- I am simply stating that I have talents and gifts from God that are unique to me and I see a value in the little things now that I used to take for granted. I am kind, smart, loyal, and have great faith in my God, my fellow human beings, and myself. I get that things do not always work out as we think they should but they always work out the way they are supposed to. Sometimes we just have to give up butting heads and let the chips fall. It always turns out right.
There has been much upheaval lately. Steve and I butted heads big time over the weekend but managed to love each other through it. We ended up having a great weekend and I think we both realize how much we truly love each other and are willing to fight to stay together. That being said, no one can push my buttons the way he can, or I can his. Sometimes I wonder how we have managed to get through times like this and I know there is divine intervention going on here and for that I am grateful.
Other family members and friends are not faring as well. My prayers go out to Jess and Glen and Mike and his wife. Remember the plan is not really ours to determine. Have faith that things will turn out as they should. There is no guarantee that we have the people in our lives forever. Some come and go quickly while others stay and yet others come and go from our lives as the need presents. Appreciate them while you have them. It's impossible to do so once they are gone.
Feeling a little melancholy and reflective today I guess...
Kim :~)
There has been much upheaval lately. Steve and I butted heads big time over the weekend but managed to love each other through it. We ended up having a great weekend and I think we both realize how much we truly love each other and are willing to fight to stay together. That being said, no one can push my buttons the way he can, or I can his. Sometimes I wonder how we have managed to get through times like this and I know there is divine intervention going on here and for that I am grateful.
Other family members and friends are not faring as well. My prayers go out to Jess and Glen and Mike and his wife. Remember the plan is not really ours to determine. Have faith that things will turn out as they should. There is no guarantee that we have the people in our lives forever. Some come and go quickly while others stay and yet others come and go from our lives as the need presents. Appreciate them while you have them. It's impossible to do so once they are gone.
Feeling a little melancholy and reflective today I guess...
Kim :~)
Sunday, May 6, 2012
Spring is here
and so is the rain. I think it has been raining here for no less than a week straight. I am starting to turn gray, like the clouds. It was a busy week too. I had to work Monday and Wednesday (although I was available Tuesday too, but didn't get a call) and then Thursday and Friday I had to do observation hours for high school. Thursday was seven hours and Friday I managed to stay for three. There is is...ten hours done! I'm not sure that I will ever return to high school but I am not voluntarily going to do so. There has to be money involved!!
I am midway through my courses already this semester. I have midterm exams Tuesday and Thursday although the Thursday exam is online and ready to go when I am. I am more concerned at this point about the Tuesday exam since it is a traditional exam with no notes or books -- rom memory and mostly essay. This scares me greatly! The book is almost impossible to read and stay awake so I have not been very successful in reading the chapters. I have skimmed them and tried to take notes to help summarize them but still I can't even use the notes I created and I blanked out the last time I had to take a written test. Lots of prayers on Tuesday evening, please.
As for my health...I feel almost normal. I have had some pain in the left breast lately, like a bruising pain, and I guess this is what is supposed to happen. There is no bruising and there is no discharge or lesions so I am not stressing over it. I will speak to the oncologist about it when I go at the end of the month. I did get a call from my surgeon's office to let me know that she is moving her practice to South Shore Hospital and will not see patients at DF any longer. Sorry,,,love ya but I am not going to the Cape for followup. There are other surgeons if I need to see one and I have my original surgeon at DF anyway, as long as she doesn't go anywhere and if she does there will be another. This is NOT a stressor in my life. I look forward to checking in with the oncologist and the radiation oncologist the following week. Things are going well and I am trying to focus on being active and eating well in the hopes of taking off some of the weight I need to take off. My goal is 1 pound a week and I had lost 3 pounds. I have not stepped on the scale yet this week but I have had a bit of a binge on chocolate too so I am a little leery. I really need to work on that!
I will keep trying! :~)
Kim
I am midway through my courses already this semester. I have midterm exams Tuesday and Thursday although the Thursday exam is online and ready to go when I am. I am more concerned at this point about the Tuesday exam since it is a traditional exam with no notes or books -- rom memory and mostly essay. This scares me greatly! The book is almost impossible to read and stay awake so I have not been very successful in reading the chapters. I have skimmed them and tried to take notes to help summarize them but still I can't even use the notes I created and I blanked out the last time I had to take a written test. Lots of prayers on Tuesday evening, please.
As for my health...I feel almost normal. I have had some pain in the left breast lately, like a bruising pain, and I guess this is what is supposed to happen. There is no bruising and there is no discharge or lesions so I am not stressing over it. I will speak to the oncologist about it when I go at the end of the month. I did get a call from my surgeon's office to let me know that she is moving her practice to South Shore Hospital and will not see patients at DF any longer. Sorry,,,love ya but I am not going to the Cape for followup. There are other surgeons if I need to see one and I have my original surgeon at DF anyway, as long as she doesn't go anywhere and if she does there will be another. This is NOT a stressor in my life. I look forward to checking in with the oncologist and the radiation oncologist the following week. Things are going well and I am trying to focus on being active and eating well in the hopes of taking off some of the weight I need to take off. My goal is 1 pound a week and I had lost 3 pounds. I have not stepped on the scale yet this week but I have had a bit of a binge on chocolate too so I am a little leery. I really need to work on that!
I will keep trying! :~)
Kim
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
Vacation
I have always been told to be careful about what I wish for because you might just get it. I wished for some peace and quiet and some time to hang around my house and do what I wanted to do. This is vacation week so there is no work. Emily has gone to New York on a school trip and Steve is working. I have the house to myself. It is quiet. My house is clean. My projects that I had planned to accomplish this week are done (and it's only Wednesday) so I find myself wandering from room to room wondering what to do next. I am bored.
I have lost 3 pounds since treatment ended and for this I am glad. I keep trying to focus on vegetable sources of nourishment and thinking of different ways to get vegetables into our meal plan. So far this has been a work in progress. We certainly are trying some different things this week, like Napa cabbage and watercress. I have made soup and bean burgers (which were actually quite tasty) and a great big salad. I feel full and satisfied. I am working on getting in two water jugs in so I stay well hydrated although I am averaging one and perhaps another 8 ounces. I have not gotten much activity in other than our usual walks and I know that this would certainly be a help in achieving my goal of 1 pound a week. I go back to the doctor's office at the end of May and I would like to be down about 5 more pounds. I think that would be a great start on my journey to fabulous health and longevity. It will also put me under 200 pounds for the first time in I can't remember when. I am listening to The Revolution on TV while I am doing my computer stuff and they are talking about burning 7000 calories in one day as a way of working through a roadblock. I don't know if the block is that big but I know I could certainly do more. Perhaps after I get my homework done I will shoot for a few hundred calorie burn. According to the show 7000 calories burned is 2 pounds lost. It sounds like a huge time investment and perhaps a little obsessive. I will go for manageable.
I hate my classes. There I said it. I have come to the end of my program and I am working on the legal aspects of teaching and SpEd in particular. I know there are laws that need to be followed, and procedures that are nonnegotiable but I am not good with remembering case studies and setting up legal briefs. If I wanted to do that I would have gone into law. I have 9 weeks left in these two particular courses and I will muddle my way through but I am having a dilly of a time trying to get my assignments completed. I guess with that being said I will get back to it.
I will persevere!
Kim :~)
I have lost 3 pounds since treatment ended and for this I am glad. I keep trying to focus on vegetable sources of nourishment and thinking of different ways to get vegetables into our meal plan. So far this has been a work in progress. We certainly are trying some different things this week, like Napa cabbage and watercress. I have made soup and bean burgers (which were actually quite tasty) and a great big salad. I feel full and satisfied. I am working on getting in two water jugs in so I stay well hydrated although I am averaging one and perhaps another 8 ounces. I have not gotten much activity in other than our usual walks and I know that this would certainly be a help in achieving my goal of 1 pound a week. I go back to the doctor's office at the end of May and I would like to be down about 5 more pounds. I think that would be a great start on my journey to fabulous health and longevity. It will also put me under 200 pounds for the first time in I can't remember when. I am listening to The Revolution on TV while I am doing my computer stuff and they are talking about burning 7000 calories in one day as a way of working through a roadblock. I don't know if the block is that big but I know I could certainly do more. Perhaps after I get my homework done I will shoot for a few hundred calorie burn. According to the show 7000 calories burned is 2 pounds lost. It sounds like a huge time investment and perhaps a little obsessive. I will go for manageable.
I hate my classes. There I said it. I have come to the end of my program and I am working on the legal aspects of teaching and SpEd in particular. I know there are laws that need to be followed, and procedures that are nonnegotiable but I am not good with remembering case studies and setting up legal briefs. If I wanted to do that I would have gone into law. I have 9 weeks left in these two particular courses and I will muddle my way through but I am having a dilly of a time trying to get my assignments completed. I guess with that being said I will get back to it.
I will persevere!
Kim :~)
Saturday, April 21, 2012
Spring break
I have really enjoyed having paychecks coming in again. That being said, I really needed to rest so I was very glad when I did not get a call for Friday. I got up at the usual 5:00 to walk the dog and get the husband off to work. Luckily Emily got herself up so when I fell back to sleep it was really no big deal. I drifted in and out until she left at 7:00 after which I was out like a light. I woke up to Nate Berkus' voice at 10:00. I guess I must have been a little sleepy. I felt rested until after lunch when I felt myself drifting off again. I think I must be really low on my B vitamins. That is an easy fix.
I am frustrated with myself. I gained 10 pounds during chemo and I have yet to be able to take it off. I am very active so I know it is what I am eating that is bringing me down. I have not learned how to manage the swings of menopause that chemo brought on. Mood swings, weight gain, low energy, hot flashes, etc is a little hard to wrap my head around so I guess I am just stuck in the mud. I am hoping that the onset of spring will help me drag myself out of it and set me on the path to continued good health. It would be great if I could get a good night's sleep too. The new mattress is wonderful and the night sweats ensure that I enjoy every minute of my time on it with full awareness of the comfort. I have had the windows open and the fan blowing full boar but still I watch the hours tiptoe by. I am thinking maybe more outside time during the day will help...do you see a pattern emerging here?
I visited the cemetary today with my Aunt. We cleaned up the gravesites and paid our respects and I truly feel great about making the journey. I had not visited for a while since I was focused on my recovery and I think it feels good to return to the "normal" routine. Walking up that hill from the bottom where my grandparents are to the top where my great aunts and great grandmother are is still challenging but I would much rather walk the hill than not make the effort. It makes me fell good to be able to get from the bottom to the top. I'm still here on top of the dirt :).
Grateful for each day!
Kim :~)
I am frustrated with myself. I gained 10 pounds during chemo and I have yet to be able to take it off. I am very active so I know it is what I am eating that is bringing me down. I have not learned how to manage the swings of menopause that chemo brought on. Mood swings, weight gain, low energy, hot flashes, etc is a little hard to wrap my head around so I guess I am just stuck in the mud. I am hoping that the onset of spring will help me drag myself out of it and set me on the path to continued good health. It would be great if I could get a good night's sleep too. The new mattress is wonderful and the night sweats ensure that I enjoy every minute of my time on it with full awareness of the comfort. I have had the windows open and the fan blowing full boar but still I watch the hours tiptoe by. I am thinking maybe more outside time during the day will help...do you see a pattern emerging here?
I visited the cemetary today with my Aunt. We cleaned up the gravesites and paid our respects and I truly feel great about making the journey. I had not visited for a while since I was focused on my recovery and I think it feels good to return to the "normal" routine. Walking up that hill from the bottom where my grandparents are to the top where my great aunts and great grandmother are is still challenging but I would much rather walk the hill than not make the effort. It makes me fell good to be able to get from the bottom to the top. I'm still here on top of the dirt :).
Grateful for each day!
Kim :~)
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